


Thank You for The Music

by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, look I'm just trying to be cautious with my tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-13 02:58:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16008851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/hipgrab
Summary: What do you get when you have unprotected sex with a girl you barely know at your father's funeral? A baby, apparently.





	1. Lay All Your Love On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooooo kiddos! Welcome to the long-awaited accidental pregnancy au!
> 
> I've tagged the shit out of this thing because I understand pregnancy and babies can be tricky areas for folks, but if you have any questions/concerns please feel free to send them my way! 
> 
> Giantest of thanks to Ever-so-reylo for betaing this!! 
> 
> I will be posting regular Sunday updates.
> 
> I'm so excited to share this with you! Enjoy!

_ Don’t go wasting your emotion _

_ Lay all your love on me _

There are strangers in his house.

Which is...fine. They’re allowed to be here, he supposes. They were all invited.

But something about them, about the way they all talk about his father, makes him feel like  _ he’s _ the stranger.

Which is why Ben finds himself hiding out in the upstairs bathroom, the same one where he’d lost his first tooth, where he’d toilet trained, where he’d read his first smutty magazine and got caught by his father. He hadn’t gotten in trouble, Han had just laughed, and somehow that made Ben feel angry. Fathers were supposed to yell at that kind of thing, they were supposed to care, they--

A sob rips free from his throat.

He hates this. His dad wasn’t supposed to die, not like this, not yet. Whatever Ben felt about him, whatever things they’d said to each other, it wasn’t supposed to be like this—

The bathroom door opens and in walks that kid who’s always hanging around his dad.

Well, he amends, not really a kid anymore. She’d been a kid when she started hanging around his dad’s shop. That had been several years ago. She’d been, what, nineteen then? She’s a proper grown-up now.

They haven’t read the will yet, but he knows already that Han left her his shop. He’d said as much on his deathbed.

The deathbed Ben hadn’t even known about until it was too late. 

“Oh.” Rey blinks at him. “I’m sorry, I thought it was empty—“

“It’s okay.” It isn’t, really, but nothing is okay about today. He starts to move past her, but Rey reaches out and stops him. 

“Ben...I’m so sorry…” Her voice cracks.

“It’s okay,” he lies again, but his voice cracks too, and unbidden, tears start falling from his eyes. 

Rey folds him into a hug, her lithe body pressed against his. “He loved you.”

Ben pushes her back against the counter. “Don’t.” She doesn’t look frightened, and maybe that’s why he leans all the way into her space, leans until there’s nowhere else for her to go. “Don’t say that. I don’t want to hear anymore about my father.”

Rey doesn’t say anything, just stares up at him. It infuriates him, so he does the only thing he can think of.

He kisses her. 

It’s not good, but it’s not bad, and neither of them puts a stop to it. He kisses her until she slides up onto the counter, back pressed to the mirror as he shoves her dress up to her hips. Rey sits patiently as he unbuttons his pants, one of her hands reaching for his cock. When he’s hard, he pulls Rey to the edge of the counter and pushes her underwear to the side, and then he’s inside her, crushed by the warm, soft wetness of her. He pants, thrusting hard until he cums.

His spend takes them both by surprise. He jerks back, shoving himself into his pants. “I’m sorry,” he babbles.

“It’s okay—“

“I don’t know what I was doing—“

“—Ben—“

“—are you okay?”

“—it’s okay, Ben, I’m fine—“

Ben stumbles out of the bathroom. He doesn’t know why he did that. Just...fucked her like that. Just because she was there.

_ But that’s not it, is it? _ a voice in his head taunts.  _ It’s because your father loved her more than you. _

He shakes the thought from his head and storms outside. 

“Ben?” his mother calls after him, but he doesn’t listen. He gets in his car and drives until he’s back in the city, back among the buildings and swarms of people, and only then does he breathe a little easier. 

.

_ Two months later _

.

“I don’t fucking care what he thinks,” Ben snaps into the phone. “He’s signing or we don’t have a deal.”

Of fucking course Hux is up his ass at six pm on a Friday. Not that Ben had  _ major _ plans or anything, but if he had, this would be incredibly inconvenient. It’s incredibly inconvenient as it is, and Ben wants nothing more than to hang up and pour himself a tall glass of scotch. 

Miraculously, the phone beeps, and Ben pulls it back to see an unknown number. “Hux? I think that’s him on the other line.”

“What?” Hux says, but Ben hangs up and answers the incoming call. 

“This is Ben Solo.”

“Ben?”

That is definitely not his client. It’s a woman’s voice, soft and shy.

“Yes?”

A deep breath. “This is Rey.”

“Rey…?”

“Rey Johnson--I worked at your dad’s garage,” she says with a flash of irritation.

Oh, fuck,  _ that _ Rey. The Rey he had really weird sex with at his father’s funeral. That Rey. “Sorry,” he says, truly meaning it. “I...I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”

“Yeah.” Her voice softens again. “I know. Um...listen...there’s no easy way to say what I have to...are you alone?”

He glances around his apartment. “Very.”

“Okay. Um...look...remember when we...had sex?”

God, how is he going to forget that? “Of course.” 

She takes another deep breath. “Well, I wasn’t...on anything, and...that was my fault, I know, but I wasn’t thinking and...Ben, I’m pregnant.’

His sleek, brand new iPhone slips to the ground and shatters.

  
  



	2. Mamma Mia

_ Look at me now, will I ever learn? _

_ I don't know how but I suddenly lose control _

_ There's a fire within my soul _

_ Just one look and I can hear a bell ring _

_ One more look and I forget everything _

_. _

The drive to Hartford is two and a half to three hours depending on traffic. It’s Friday night, which means more traffic is coming into the city than going out of it, so the drive is a smooth shot up I-91. 

Normally, he uses that two and a half hours to make phone calls or listen to audiobooks that are on the  _ New York Times _ ’s best-seller’s list but he would never be able to read otherwise. Tonight, he turns on the radio and thinks.

He’d called his mother on his spare phone, the one he kept in case of emergencies--like his phone shattering because he just learned that a girl (woman, she’s a woman) is going to have his baby.

His  _ baby _ .

“Is she serious?” he’d asked, already throwing things into a duffel.

“Very. I saw her take the test.”

And the idea of Leia standing by and watching Rey pee on a stick...it twists his gut, for some reason. 

“Does she have any reason to lie?”

“Rey? No.” Leia had sounded almost offended. “She’s a good person. Your father loved her.”

“Yeah, I know,” he’d muttered.

A baby.

She’s going to have a  _ baby _ . 

_ He’s _ going to have a  _ baby _ .

He doesn’t even know what to think or feel about it. It still hasn’t processed yet.

A  _ baby _ . 

He tries to imagine himself as a father. Baby-proofing his apartment (which, he realizes with another twist, is probably not baby proof at all, should he start looking at other places?), spoon-feeding a chubby infant, pushing a stroller through Central Park.

But will he even get to do that? Does Rey even want him in the baby’s life? She must, or she wouldn’t have called him. 

How will that work, though? With him in New York and Rey in Hartford? Will they share custody? Will Rey move to New York? Will he only get to see the baby on special occasions? Does he even  _ want _ to see the baby? Does he want to just pay child support and let Rey do her thing while he does his own? 

He realizes he’s tailing the car in front of him and slows down, mouthing “sorry” when the woman turns to glare at him. 

A  _ baby _ .

It’s not that he’s opposed to the idea of a baby, he just...wasn’t expecting one to happen to him so suddenly. His dating life is nonexistent, and the handful of women he’s been with hadn’t stuck around long enough to have the “what if we have kids” talk. He supposes he’d always vaguely imagined a future with a wife and kids, but it had never been a concrete goal. And it didn’t have to be--he’s a man, one with a very successful career, and he’s only in his early thirties. A family isn’t something he has to think about yet.

Except now, apparently, he does. 

He thinks about calling his mom again, just to have something to do. He knows she’d be happy for the conversation. He hasn’t talked to her as much as he should have in the last couple months. He hasn’t talked to her as much as he should have  _ ever _ , but she’d had his dad before. Now, she’s alone.

He shouldn’t have left the way he did after the funeral. She’d sounded upset in her voicemails. He hadn’t had the balls to call her back until a few days later, when he’d mumbled a half-assed apology.

Impulsively, he dials her number and waits.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know how to be a dad,” he blurts. 

“No one does,” Leia says without missing a beat. “It’s something you learn along the way.”

“What if I’m not a good dad?”

“There are a lot of What Ifs, and it’s too early to be worrying over all of them now,” she says firmly. “You and Rey haven’t even talked about it yet. Maybe she’ll want an abortion.”

“You think she will?” he asks sharply.

“Eh, probably not. I offered to take her to Planned Parenthood, but she didn’t seem wild about the idea.” Leia sighs. “I know this is hard, sweetie. You were...unexpected, too.”

“A mistake.”

“ _ Unexpected _ ,” she insists. “But that doesn’t mean we loved you any less. And just because this baby is unexpected doesn’t mean you’ll love it any less, either.”

Love. Such a strong word, for a person he doesn’t even know yet. 

They talk until he’s near Meriden, and then he turns the radio back on and takes a deep breath. It will be okay. Somehow, it will be.

.

Rey is in the kitchen when he gets there. It’s too late for dinner, but Leia heats up some lasagna for him anyway. 

Neither he nor Rey say much of anything as he eats. When he’s finished, Leia glances between the two of them and says, “Well, I have to do...laundry…”  before skedaddling from the room.

Ben pushes aside his plate and takes in Rey. He hasn’t really looked at her until now, and what he sees is a woman who’s maybe not doing so well. Her face is paler than usual, her freckles standing out, and there are circles under her eyes. She looks thin and wan, which could be a consequence of morning sickness.

“So,” he offers.

She nods. “So.”

Ben takes a deep breath. “What...what do you want? Going forward?”

Rey folds her hands on the tabletop. “Honestly, I don’t really know.”

Somehow, that’s a relief. It means Ben isn’t alone. “Okay. Let’s look at our options.” He holds up a finger. “Option One. You don’t keep the baby.”

“I don’t want an abortion,” she says emphatically. “And I don’t want to give the baby up for adoption, either. I...I want this baby. I’m sorry if you don’t, but I won’t ask you to be part of our life if it bothers you.”

Clearly, she’s had this speech prepared. 

“No, that’s...that’s fine,” he says. “Okay, so. Keeping the baby. Do you want me to be involved?”

She hesitates. “If you want to be. It’s fine if you don’t, I just...thought you should know.”

Ben considers this. “I don’t know if I want to be. Not yet.”

She nods, her face like stone. “Fair enough.”

“I will pay child support, though.” He decided that on the drive up here. He can afford it, and though Han left his shop to Rey, Ben’s sure it isn’t enough to comfortably raise a child. 

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

She considers. “Okay. I’ll allow that.”

“Okay.”

She takes a deep breath. “You’re not...you’re not  _ with _ anyone right now, are you?”

“With anyone?” He blinks, shaking his head. “No, I’m very single.” A thought occurs to him. “Are...you?”

“Yes,” she says, and that comes as a relief. At least he hasn’t ruined any relationships with his moment of no self-control.

“I’m assuming you want to raise the baby here,” he says, leaning  back in his seat. 

“Yes,” she says at once. “My home is here.”

So, no outings in Central Park. Maybe that’s for the best. 

“We don’t...have to hash all of it out right now,” she offers. “I know it’s a lot to process. I’m still processing it. I just...I wanted you to know. That’s all.”

He nods. He’s still not going to sleep tonight, or maybe much at all for the next few weeks, but that’s...something. “I do...want...to help,” he manages. “I don’t...I don’t know how much I want to be there. That’s not me being flaky, it’s...I have to think more about this.”

“Of course.”

He releases a breath. “But whatever happens, I want to help. Do you have insurance?”

When she shakes her head, he nods. “I’ll call my agent on Monday and get you set up. I’ll cover all the expenses.”

Something flashes in Rey’s eyes. “I have money, you know.”

“I know.” He realizes how it must look, the attorney from New York telling her he’s going to pay for everything, don’t you worry your pretty little pregnant head. “But I have more, and I’d like to do it.”

Rey considers him. “I don’t want this to bite me in the ass later. No...trying to take custody from me because you paid for my ultrasounds and doctor’s visits.”

“It won’t be like that,” he assures her. 

Rey drums her fingers on the tabletop. “Okay,” she decides at last. “I’ll let you pay for medical expenses.”

“Should we shake on it?” he asks wryly, but Rey does offer him her hand. 

“How...does it feel?” he asks a moment later.

She shrugs. “Not great. I’m tired all the time and anything with a strong smell makes me throw up.”

Well, that isn’t quite the glamorous motherly glow he’s heard so much about. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. It’s kind of cool, you know?” She turns a little shy, hands fluttering over her flat stomach. “There’s a baby inside me.”

Something twists inside of him again. “Yeah,” he chokes out. “A baby.”

.

After Rey goes home, Leia pulls out a bottle of wine and pours generous glasses while they sit down and pretend to watch late night talk shows. 

“So?”

Ben takes a long swig before answering. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” she says, topping off his glass. “You don’t have to know yet.”

He rubs his face. He feels suddenly exhausted. “That thing inside her is gonna become a real person, Mom.”

“I know.” She sounds almost excited. “Isn’t that wild?”

They watch Jimmy Fallon play a game with celebrities they don’t know.

“How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant with me?” he asks his mother.

Leia is quiet for a long moment. “I was scared, mostly. We knew we wanted a family, but...we’d thought that would come later. I was twenty four and newly married, my career had just taken off, and I was scared shitless.”

For some reason, it’s never quite occurred to Ben that his mother might have been scared. It’s never quite occurred to him how  _ young _ she was, either. Twenty four. 

Something else occurs to him.

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“How old is Rey?”

She gives him a small smile. “Twenty two.”

Twenty two. Jesus. Even younger. And practically a baby herself. 

God, what had he been  _ thinking _ , pushing her into the bathroom counter and fucking her like that? 

“She’s older than her years,” Leia offers. “She’s...been through a lot.”

“So had you,” he points out. “Twenty two is still...way too young.”

“She’ll be fine,” Leia says firmly. “She wants this baby, she has your father’s shop, and she has me.”

“And me,” he reminds his mother.

Leia smiles. “Yes,” she agrees. “She has you, too.”


	3. Take a Chance on Me

_ If you change your mind, I'm the first in line _

_ Honey I'm still free _

_ Take a chance on me _

_ If you need me, let me know, gonna be around _

_ If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down _

_ If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown _

_ Honey I'm still free _

_ Take a chance on me _

_ Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie _

_ If you put me to the test, if you let me try _

_. _

He doesn’t sleep that night, as predicted. When the sun rises in the morning, he creeps out of the house and takes a long walk around the neighborhood.

It’s nice, this time of year. It’s cooler in the mornings now--he might even get in a full walk before the day’s heat starts setting in. 

Part of him feels guilty for the way he acted last night. Not that he’d acted  _ badly _ , per se, but he’d been so focused on himself that he’d barely thought about Rey.  _ She’s _ the pregnant one. She’s the one who doesn’t get to decide how much or how little she wants to be involved with this baby. She’s the one who sat there on the receiving end of what he’s pretty sure was some terrible sex and got knocked up from the embarrassingly short time he was inside her. 

_ Twenty two. _

It’s not  _ despicably _ young, it’s just...younger than...younger than what? What he thought? What a woman should be when she has a child?

_ Maybe you should’ve thought about that when you fucked her without protection, you cradle-snatching weirdo. _

He really should apologize. For all of this. It’s his fault, after all. And he should tell her he wants to be involved. Because he’s realized that he owes it to her. To the baby. 

A car whizzes past him, and he looks up in surprise to see his father’s shop. He looks around and realizes that, without his knowing it, his feet took him all the way here. It’s not open yet, and part of him thinks that he should just turn around and walk back home. But the day’s heat has set in and it would be a miserable walk back. If Rey operates like his father, she’ll be here soon, getting into the headspace before opening for the day. Then he can talk to her and maybe get a ride back. Sighing, he parks himself on the curb and waits.

He’s half-right--Rey shows up about forty-five minutes later, face concerned as she pulls up. He’s sure he looks awful after a sleepless night and a long walk here. 

“Ben?” she asks, getting out of her car. God, she’s still so small. Not small as in short, because she’s taller than most women, but small as in so skinny he can hardly imagine a baby growing inside her. How strange she’ll look with a big, round bump.

Oddly, he feels his cock twitch at the thought. 

“Are you okay?” she’s asking.

He nods. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She unlocks the door, letting them both in. She flits around for a moment, setting down her bag and turning on the air conditioner, before reaching into the fridge and pulling out two water bottles. She tosses one to him; he catches it gratefully, untwisting the cap and drinking half of it.

“Is everything okay?” Rey asks, perching on the couch.

He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to apologize. I’ve been nothing short of self-centered since...since Dad…” He clears his throat. “What happened at his funeral…”

“It’s okay,” she says automatically.

He shakes his head. “It  _ wasn’t _ okay. I didn’t...ask for consent or if you were on the pill or anything, I just...did it, and that was totally unacceptable.”

Rey’s quiet for a long moment, and that worries him.

“Rey?”

She shakes her head, staring at her water bottle. “It’s...it was weird, I guess, but you were going through a lot. It was obvious you needed...something. I don’t know if that’s what you really needed but it...seemed to help.”

“It was still wrong.” 

She shrugs. “Maybe. But it doesn’t bother me.”

He chews his lip. “It got you pregnant.”

A small smile flickers across her face. “That’s okay.”

He shifts. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She flattens her hand over her belly. “I always wanted kids. It’s a little earlier than I was planning, but...why not?”

It reminds him of what his mother had said last night. “Are you scared?”

“Yeah,” she admits. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Ben sits on the couch. “Rey, I want to be involved with this baby. I don’t...I don’t know what to do, but I want to figure it out with you. If you’ll let me.” 

Rey smiles. “Of course I will.” She reaches for his hand, twining her fingers with his. “I’d really like for you to be involved, Ben. I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind, but...I appreciate you coming here and telling me that.”

He squeezes her hand, and for the first time since her phone call, he begins to really feel that maybe everything will be okay.

“Can I ask a favor?”

“Of course,” she says, still smiling.

“Can you drive me home?”

Rey laughs. “Okay. Shop won’t be open for a while anyway.”

Rey’s car is another thing she inherited from Han--his precious Millennium Falcon. It had been Han’s baby for as long as Ben could remember. Leaving it to Rey made sense. It is not, however, a suitable vehicle for the mother of Ben’s child, and he privately decides to start looking into family-friendly cars for her. 

As soon as she turns on the ignition, “Super Trouper” starts blasting. 

“Really?” Ben asks, half-teasing and half-serious. “ABBA?”

“I love ABBA,” Rey says without a trace of defensiveness. “It makes me happy.”

Ben closes his mouth. “Hmm.”

“Our baby is listening to ABBA,” she says, which gives him a jolt. 

“Not too much,” he says, hoping she doesn’t notice.

Rey snorts. “There’s no such thing as too much ABBA.”

.

Ben spends his Saturday taking his mother on errands. He hadn’t planned on it, but she asks him to come with her to the grocery store, and that turns into going to Home Depot, and now he somehow finds himself at a Goodwill.

“Isn’t this fun?” Leia asks in her deliberately oblivious way. 

“Hmm,” Ben says. 

She swats his arm. “We haven’t done this in a while--spent the day together like this.” 

Truthfully, Ben can’t remember the last time he ran so many errands in one day with his mother. Surely not since he was a teenager. “No, we haven’t.” 

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” she wheedles. 

“Yeah,” he says dutifully. “Nice.” 

This is the kind of thing his parents would have done together. It makes Ben’s stomach twist again. It’s been doing that a lot lately. 

“Oh!” Leia exclaims, and Ben follows her to where a bunch of baby toys and clothes have been clustered together. “Look at this!”

Ben hangs back, watching his mother rifle through the collection. There’s a lot of stuff, and some of it looks relatively new. 

Leia gives him a Look.

“No,” he says with a sudden burst of pride. “My baby is going to have all brand-new things.” 

Leia looks oddly smug, as if perhaps this was what she had been hoping he’d say. “Oh. I see. Too bad.” But she doesn’t sound as if it’s too bad at all.

She wanders over to the dresses.

“Mom.”

“Hmm?”  she asks, not looking up from a sequined monstrosity that is definitely not her size.

“Are you trying to use reverse psychology on me to make me want to be a father?”

“Ben, that’s ridiculous.”

“That wasn’t a denial.”

“Isn’t this pretty?” she asks loudly, thrusting a green skirt in his face. 

.

When they get back to the house, Ben changes into his swimsuit and heads out to the pool. It’s one of his favorite parts about visiting this place. It’s an escape for him, a way to plunge into another atmosphere and withdraw into his own world until he’s able to handle this one again. 

It’s late afternoon when Leia comes out with grilled cheese sandwiches and lemonade.

“Remember when I used to do this when you were a kid?” she asks as he gets out, toweling off and taking a sandwich. 

He smiles. “Yeah--you called it my swim snack.” 

They’re munching on grilled cheese and sipping lemonade when a car pulls up. Because the driveway is behind the house and in front of the pool, Ben has a clear view of Rey as she steps out, looking around and smiling at them. 

“Hi,” she says, walking up the brick path and pushing through the wooden gate. “I wanted to--” She stops short, staring at Ben. 

And staring.

And staring.

And staring.

Ben clears his throat. Rey shakes her head like a wet dog. “Sorry. Uh. Hi.” 

“Hello,” Leia says, sounding amused. “Pull up a chair.” 

She does, red-faced. 

“Grilled cheese?” Leia offers, handing Rey the plate. 

“Thanks.” Rey takes a sandwich. “I, um, actually came by to tell you that I have my first OB/GYN appointment on Monday, and um, if you wanted to come...I know you have a job in the city, but...I just thought--”

“I’ll be there,” Ben says at once. He can take a long weekend. He never does it, and he’s more than earned it. 

Rey grins shyly at him. “That would be really nice.” 

.

“Why, pray tell, are you not coming in Monday? After being AWOL all weekend?”

“Family business,” Ben says smoothly. 

He can physically hear Hux’s brain working, trying to figure out the most inoffensive way to ask Ben  _ what family _ . Ben isn’t about to throw him a bone. 

“Fine. But I expect--”

Ben hangs up. Hux, he knows, can deal with it.

.

On Monday, Rey drives them to the OB/GYN. Ben sits patiently beside her as she fills out all the paperwork, tapping out a few work emails on his phone. 

“Ms. Johnson?” the nurse finally calls. “Dr. Kanata will see you now.” 

Dr. Kanata is a sprightly old woman who barely comes up to Ben’s elbow. She feels Rey’s stomach and gives her a basic pelvic exam (during which Ben stands at Rey’s elbow and determinedly doesn’t look at her) before going over the things Rey can expect to experience and giving her a list of bad foods and good foods. 

“I’m gonna miss coffee,” Rey sighs.

“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Kanata asks, tapping something into her laptop. 

“When’s the ultrasound?” Ben asks. 

“That usually happens around eighteen to twenty weeks, so you’ve still got a ways to go,” Dr. Kanata says. 

“I read that you shouldn’t announce the pregnancy until twelve weeks,”  Rey says carefully. “Is that...true?”

The tapping stops. Dr. Kanata pushes the laptop to the side, sighing.  “Yes. There’s a considerable risk of miscarriage in the first trimester.”

Ben didn’t know that. Miscarriages, to him, seem like relics of the past, the kind of thing that happen to women in period dramas. “How considerable?”

Dr. Kanata takes off her glasses. “Ten to twenty five percent.”

“ _ Jesus _ .” He glances at Rey, who looks suddenly pale. “What can we do to prevent it?”

“Nothing.”

Ben gapes at the doctor. “ _ Nothing _ ?”

“Eighty percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester,” she explains. “It’s a sensitive time for the fetus. Nothing really causes it--sometimes pregnancy just doesn’t stick.” 

“But after twelve weeks,” Rey presses. “Then it’s okay?”

“The risk of miscarriage decreases significantly,” Dr. Kanata allows. “Which is why we usually urge parents to wait until then to announce the pregnancy.”

Ben does the mental math. Rey is about eight weeks now, so they have to wait another month or so before she’s in the clear. 

_ A month _ . 

It seems an interminable amount of time to Ben. One month. Four weeks. Thirty days. He has to wait that long to find out if he’s really going to be a dad or not. 

“You’re two-thirds through the first trimester,” Dr. Kanata says gently. “And you’re more likely to carry this baby to term than you aren’t--seventy five percent minimum. That’s good.” 

Rey releases a shaky breath. “Right.”

“Worrying won’t help you or the baby.” And then Dr. Kanata turns to Ben. “Daddy, you’re going to help Mommy remain nice and relaxed, aren’t you?”

Ben chokes on his own spit. “Uh, yes, of course.” 

Later, in the car, Rey turns to Ben. “So, Daddy…”

“Do not.” 

She grins and turns up the volume on “Fernando”.

.

Hux is up Ben’s ass as soon as he gets to the office on Tuesday.

“Should I anticipate anymore family business?”

“Yes,” he says as curtly as possible.

Hux doesn’t take the hint. “Dare I ask what’s going on?”

“You could.” Ben opens his office door. “But I won’t answer.”

“Solo.” Hux follows him into his office, hissing like an angry goose. “What the hell is going on? Your father died, is your mother next or someth--”

“Don’t.” Ben turns, scowling. “Ever. Talk about my mother like that.” 

Hux blinks. “All right. But I want to know what’s going on, especially if it means more time out of the office.”

Ben hesitates. Irritating as the ginger might be, he does deserve an explanation for the change in Ben’s life. But he wanted to wait until twelve weeks, just in case.

But then again, he imagines that if something does happen, if Rey does lose the baby, he’ll want to spend more time in Hartford with her. He vows that he will at least make one trip to see her and do what he can if that happens. And Hux will have to know why.

“I’m going to be a father,” Ben says, unable to help injecting a note of pride into his voice. 

Hux stares at him. “You had sex with a human woman?”

“Okay, Hux,” Ben says, irritated. 

“I mean, a woman  _ let _ you have sex with her?”

“Okay, Hux.”

“I just want to understand--”

“If you’re gonna keep snarking, you can get the fuck out--”

“All right.” Hux’s lips twitch. “Congratulations, I suppose.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Just don’t let it interfere with work  _ too _ much, all right? Snoke will hate that.”

Ah, yes. Snoke. The old man is rarely in the office, but he somehow expects his attorneys to be there constantly, even past normal working hours. That sort of thing isn’t unusual, especially for a firm in New York, but the irony of the situation is not lost on Ben. 

There’s a rap on the door just before Phasma breezes in. “Morning. I have those depositions whenever you’re ready.”

“Phasma, have you heard?” Hux says. “Solo’s going to be a father.”

Phasma stares at him. “You had sex with a human woman?”

“Okay, Phasma.”

“I mean, a woman  _ let _ you have sex with her?” 

“ _ Okay, Phasma _ .”

  
  



	4. I Have a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank y'all for sticking with me--your comments make my week every time I see them and it always makes me so excited to update again!

_ I have a dream, a song to sing _

_ To help me cope with anything _

_ If you see the wonder of a fairy tale _

_ You can take the future even if you fail _

_ I believe in angels _

_ Something good in everything I see _

_ I believe in angels _

_ When I know the time is right for me _

_ I'll cross the stream, I have a dream _

.

It’s been nearly two weeks since Ben’s last trip to Hartford when he gets a call from his mother. 

“Hello?”

“Ben? It’s Mom. Rey’s in the hospital.” 

Ben nearly drops his phone again. “What happened?”

“Her friend found her in the shop--she was unconscious.”

“I’m coming.” 

There’s an accident on I-91 that adds an hour to the trip. Ben feels like he’s going crazy, just sitting there and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Leia promised to call if there were any updates, but his phone has remained silent. 

Well, that’s not true. He keeps getting texts and emails from work, even though he’s told them he has a family emergency. He scrolls through his notifications whenever traffic has stopped, hoping for something from his mother, or better yet, Rey.

But no. Nothing. 

He finds Rey in the hospital room that Leia directed him to. She’s sitting up in bed, listening intently as a doctor talks to her, Leia, and a man Ben doesn’t know. They all look up at his arrival.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, interrupting the doctor.

“Everything’s fine,” Rey says, and Ben marginally relaxes. She didn’t lose the baby. “I was just a little dehydrated, that’s all.”

“Perfectly normal,” the doctor assures Ben. “We’re just going to have to make sure mother drinks more water and takes more rests during the day, aren’t we?”

“Yes, sir,” Rey says dutifully. 

As soon as the doctor is gone, Ben goes to Rey’s side. “So you’re okay?”

“Fine,”  she says again. “Finn found me unconscious in the shop and panicked.”

“Who’s Finn?”

“I’m Finn.” The man standing on the other side of the bed gives Ben what can only be described as a suspicious look. 

Ben looks him over. He’s wearing a t-shirt and stylishly scuffed jeans. He can’t be much older than Rey. “Who are you?”

“Finn is my friend,” Rey says firmly. She turns to the man in question. “I need to talk to Ben. I’ll call you later.”

Finn looks perturbed at this announcement, and for some reason, Ben feels a satisfied glow.

“Come on, Finn,” Leia says, taking the younger man’s arm and forcefully steering him out of the room. “Help an old woman to her car.”

Ben waits until they’re gone to turn back to Rey. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“No,” Rey says, but her cheeks are a little pink. Ben finds this more than a little disconcerting.

“Do you...want him to be?”

“No,” she says firmly. “He’s...asked me out. A couple times. But I just want to be friends.” She leans back against the pillows, regarding him. “Would it be a problem if I had a boyfriend?”

“Do you?”

“Answer the question, Solo.” 

He shifts impatiently. “No. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” she repeats.

“It was...a one time thing,” he says, feeling his ears turn red. “I’m not in love with you or anything.” 

The levity in Rey’s face disappears, just a little. “Right.” 

And Ben...Ben doesn’t quite know what to make of that. “Rey…”

“Can you give me a ride home?” she asks suddenly. “The ambulance brought me here.”

“Of course.” 

She sits up, making a twirling motion. “Turn around, please.”

He does, patiently staring at the door as she gets up and gets dressed. What  _ happened _ ? The last ten minutes feel so surreal. All of this feels so surreal. God, this woman is pregnant with his baby and he won’t even look at her change. How did all of this happen?

Ben wishes suddenly, strangely, that his father was here. 

“Ben?” Rey is peering at him, fully dressed and shouldering her bag. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Let’s go.”

The drive back to Rey’s house is silent save for the directions she gives him. He shifts uncomfortably, eager to drop her off and go...somewhere. He’s been in the car too long and he needs to walk. He needs to talk to his mother. He needs...something. 

But Rey lingers when he pulls up to her building. “Ben, seriously, are you okay? You’re acting...really odd.”

“How do you know how I act?” he asks. “You barely know me.” 

“Yeah, and whose fault is that?”

Ben winces. Rey does too. 

“Sorry,” she mutters. “That wasn’t fair.”

“No, it was.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m not...around much. Not just here. Just...who I am as a person. I go to work and I go home and even when I’m there I’m not really. And that isn’t going to work if we’re going to raise this baby together.”

Rey gives him a small smile. “No, it won’t,” she agrees. “So why don’t you come in and be here so I can get to know the man raising my baby with me?”

And because Ben has nothing better to do, he does. 

Rey’s apartment is...small. As in, a studio. She has a couch and a bed and a TV and not much else. 

“You live like this?” he asks before he means to.

If Rey takes offense, she doesn’t show it. “You live in, what, a high rise? With a doorman?”

“You’re gonna move before the baby gets here, right?” he asks, mostly to cover the fact that she’s absolutely correct. 

“Of course,” she says. “I just never needed anything bigger until now, you know?”

He doesn’t know, really. He’s always luxuriated in having space. Maybe it’s because he’s so enormous. Maybe it’s just because he can. 

He hopes Rey moves somewhere with space. Somewhere she and the baby can run around (when the baby is old enough), where he can play with the baby when he comes to visit. His heart twists at the thought.

“Will you move to a house?”

Rey doesn’t quite meet his gaze as she toes off her shoes. “I don’t know if that’s in my budget.”

“It’s in mine,” he says automatically. “Let me buy a house.” At the look on her face, he says, “It’s my baby too, and I want to make sure they have everything.”

“A house is expensive,” she tells him. “And half the fun of having one is paying for it yourself.”

“Where will you live?” he demands. “If you can’t afford a house?”

“An apartment,” she says coolly. 

“How big?”

“Why does it matter?” 

“Because that’s my baby too,” he says stubbornly. “And I want him or her or whatever it is to have everything.” 

“And I can’t give the baby everything?” she demands.

He doesn’t know what to say to that, but luckily he doesn’t have to--Rey looks away and mutters, “I’m sorry. I invited you in to get to know you and I’m just yelling at you.”

“It’s okay, I deserve it.”

She smiles. “Yeah, a little.” She takes a deep breath, holding out her hand. “I’ll try to be...nicer.”

“I will too.” He shakes her hand. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

They spend hours just talking--about Rey’s childhood in and out of foster homes, about how she moved to America when she was eighteen and lived on the streets until Han took pity on her and gave her a job. They don’t talk much about Ben because as it turns out, Rey knows a lot about him. More than he thought she did, anyway. 

“Your dad talked about you a lot,” she admits softly. “He really loved you.”

Ben feels his throat tighten. 

“I know you don’t like to talk about him--”

“It’s okay,” he says. “You...you probably knew him better than I did.”

“I spent more time with him near the end, that doesn’t mean I knew him better.” She shrugs. “He was still your father.”

“He wasn’t a very good father,” Ben says in a quiet voice. 

Rey looks confused. “He loved you.”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t mean he was a good father.”

She bites her lip. “I’d always hoped that would be enough,” she admits. “Loving your child.”

Ben feels his heart twist again. “Rey, you...I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mother.”  _ And I hope to god I’ll be a decent father _ .

Rey shakes her head. “I don’t know how to be. My parents abandoned me when I was little.” Her smile is a little dewy now. “I’m so afraid that I’m going to fuck this up.”

Impulsively, Ben reaches for her hand, twining his fingers with hers. “The fact that you’re afraid you’ll fuck up is a good sign, Rey. It means you’ll actively try not to.”

“God I hope so.” She brushes her eyes. “I hope we’ll be...good parents.”

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Me too.”

.

It’s late by the time he leaves Rey’s. He  _ should _ head back to the city. But something’s tugging at the back of his mind, and he finds himself driving to his mother’s house. 

Leia, of course, is happy to see him. She pretends she doesn’t hear him when he says he already ate, heating up leftovers and pouring him a glass of wine. 

“I have to drive back tonight,” he says.

“Well, one glass won’t hurt,” she says, but they both know she’s going to try and ply him with wine until he’s too drunk to drive, in which case he’ll  _ have _ to spend the night. “How’s Rey?”

“Fine. Stubborn.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Leia says fondly. 

He hesitates, pushing the food around on his plate. “She can’t afford a house.”

Leia regards him. “Okay.”

“I want the baby to grow up in a house.”

“I see.” She sits across from him. “I assume you offered to buy a house with zero charm or tact.”

He winces. “You assume correctly.”

“Mm-hmm.” She leans back in her chair. “And she said no?”

“She said no.”

“But you won’t be content with her living in an apartment that she pays for.”

“No.”

“Uh-huh.” 

He takes a deep breath. “I was thinking maybe she could live here.” 

Leia raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

He sets down his fork. “Yes. I want the baby to live in a house and...this is a good house. The baby will need someone to look after it while Rey’s at work and daycare is expensive, and if you didn’t want to watch the baby all the time I could hire a nanny. Plus…” He hesitates, unsure of how to say this next part. “I know that you’re lonely, Mom. I think it would be good for you two to live together.”

Leia considers his suggestion. “It is a good idea,” she admits. “And I...I would like to be close to my grandchild.” She drums her fingers on the tabletop. “Rey will want to pay rent.”

“And I know you’ll charge her a ridiculously low amount.”

“Obviously.” She keeps drumming her fingers. “We’ll have to make it sound like my idea, of course.”

“Of course.”

“And I’ll have to play up the helpless old woman act.”

“Naturally.”

She smiles at him. “Ben, I think you might just be onto something.” 

  
  



	5. Chiquitita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are halfway there, folks!

_ Chiquitita, tell me the truth _

_ I'm a shoulder you can cry on _

_ Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on _

_ You were always sure of yourself _

_ Now I see you've broken a feather _

_ I hope we can patch it up together _

_. _

The next time Ben talks to Rey is two weeks later, when she’s reached the twelve week mark. They’ve been texting a little here and there, mostly about the pregnancy, but tonight she calls him when he’s leaving work. 

“Have you told anyone?” he asks.

“Wasn’t much point,” she says in a somewhat dejected tone. “I don’t have a lot of friends, and once Finn found out, he blabbed to everyone else.”

Ben frowns. “That was a dick move.”

“He wasn’t trying to, he’s just...bad at keeping secrets.” She sighs, a staticy gust on the other end. “But that’s okay. They’re all excited for me. They said they’d throw a baby shower.” She sounds almost shy about saying this last part.

“That’s good,” he says encouragingly. “That’s nice of them.” 

“Yeah.” She hesitates. “And your mom offered to let me move in with her.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asks in what he hopes is a surprised tone. 

“Yeah.” She hesitates again. “If it’s okay with you...I’d like to take her up on it. I’d pay rent of course,” she adds quickly. “And I’d help her around the house, I wouldn’t just be mooching—“

“Rey, you’re family now, you…of course you should take her up on it,” he says. 

“It’s okay with you? If I’m living with your mom?” she asks a bit anxiously. “I don’t want to be...in your way…”

“You won’t be in the way—this makes it easier for me to see my family when I visit.  _ All _ my family.”

He hears her let out a little sigh. “Okay. Good.”

He thinks that might be the end of it, but Rey lingers. 

“Um...it’s really small, practically not worth mentioning…”

“What is it?” He’s been doing research—some books and articles Rey recommended, some that he’s found on his own. Her tone tells him this is about the pregnancy and he can already feel his gut tightening. 

“It’s so small…”

“Rey.”

“I think I’m starting to show,” she blurts. “Not a lot, obviously, but there’s the  _ tiniest _ bit of extra-ness in my tummy and...I don’t know, it starts happening between twelve and sixteen weeks—“

“You’re showing?” he asks, the mental image making his legs wobble just a little. He can imagine the small bump in Rey’s normally flat belly, visible only when she wears tight clothes. 

“A  _ little _ ,” she emphasizes.

“I want to see.” The boldness of his own statement surprises him, but Rey takes it in stride.

“Well, you know where to find me.”

He gets in his car, thinking. “I can come up this weekend.”

“Okay,” she says agreeably. “Maybe it’ll be bigger then.”

His legs wobble again, some part of him eager to see Rey swell up with his child. “Eat lots of food and fatten up baby for me.”

“I think I can handle that.”

As soon as they’ve hung up, Ben calls his mother. “I’m coming up this weekend.”

“Good!” Leia crows. “I haven’t seen this much of you since you lived here. You should’ve knocked up a girl from home a long time ago.”

“Mom, god.”

“I assume Rey told you she’s moving in.”

“She did.”

“She wants to wait until the lease on her place is up, which is two or three months.”

“Very sensible.”

“Ben...are you sure you’ll be okay with this? A girl you barely know living here with a baby?”

“It’s  _ my _ baby, and she’s the mother of  _ my _ child, so yes,” he says firmly. “I want this, Mom.”

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure.” Her voice grows wistful. “I wish your father…”

She doesn’t finish. She doesn’t really need to.

.

Rey comes over to the house on Saturday morning, before she opens the shop for the day. Han always kept later hours, never opening before eleven or twelve, and Rey seems to be sticking to that tradition. She’s brought a couple boxes with her, mostly books and DVDs. 

“I figure if I move a few things at a time, it’ll make the final move easier,” she explains, following Ben as he carries the boxes inside. 

“Very wise,” he says. “And generous, considering I’ll be the one doing most of the heavy lifting.”

“You don’t have to,” she murmurs sheepishly. 

“Yes he does,” Leia says from where she’s supervising.

Rey is going to stay in the guest room across from Ben’s room. The bed that’s in there now is bigger and comfier than the one in her apartment, though he imagines she’ll want to update the bedset; the blue and white comforter and pillow shams have been there for as long as Ben can remember. The baby will sleep in the room beside Rey’s and across from Leia’s, a room that used to be her office but she is happily relinquishing to her grandchild. It’s in shambles now, all boxed up and messy, and it will need a paint job, but it’s the most strategic place for the little one. 

Ben tries to imagine visiting his new family. He imagines getting up for midnight feedings and giving Rey and his mother a break, rocking the baby and reading to them after they’ve had their milk. He imagines a child of five or six, creeping into his room and snuggling with him in the early morning light. He imagines making breakfast with the little tyke, surprising Rey in bed with pancakes and…

And what, exactly? A kiss? One of their friendly but businesslike handshakes? 

He knows of plenty of people who raised a baby together even though they weren’t together, whether that was because of a breakup or because they’d never been together in the first place. It meant that the child had two families--double the love, someone had called it. It won’t be quite like that with their arrangement--Rey will live with his mother, and whenever he comes to visit, his child will have one family.

Unless Rey marries or even takes up a long term partner, in which case she’ll probably move in with them.  _ They _ certainly can’t move into  _ his _ house--not with him and his mother. Even if he doesn’t technically live here. 

The thought troubles him. Rey is young and pretty, and there’s still a considerable chance that she’ll find someone and get married and start a new family. She may not be interested in Finn now, but how will she feel after being trapped at home with a baby all the time? Will Finn’s offer seem more appealing then? 

_ Why is he obsessing over this? _ Rey can do whatever she wants. It’s not like they’re together. 

“Okay,” Ben says as soon as he deposits the box in Rey’s room. “Let’s see that baby bump.”

Rey grins, tugging her t-shirt down and stretching it across her belly. She was right--it’s barely visible, but it’s there. Ben gets on his knees to get a better look, flattening his hand over the slightly raised flesh. “Holy shit,” he breathes. 

“Your mom says it’s because I’m so skinny,” Rey says bashfully. “She says I’ll be huge by the end.”

Ben has just accepted by now that he finds the mental image of Rey being visibly pregnant with his child oddly sexy. He presses his ear to her stomach as if he can hear anything going on in there.

“Baby talking to you?” she jokes. 

“Yeah, it’s saying ‘I’m hungry’.”

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” she says cheerfully. “I’m always hungry.” 

“I know.”

Rey heads out not long after so that she can open the shop. Leia won’t wipe the smug look off her face.

“What?” Ben asks her finally. 

“You have the dopiest grin on your face,” she tells him. “You’re so excited about this baby.”

“Of course I’m excited about this baby,” he says in an obvious sort of tone. “It’s my  _ baby _ .”

“It helps that Rey is the one having it,” Leia says in a would-be casual voice. 

That gives him pause. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” Leia says, still in a casual voice that isn’t really casual at all. “You just seem to like her, is all.”

“She’s having—“ 

“Your baby, I know, but…” She trails off, shrugging. “You just seem to like her beyond her ability to bear children.”

“Bear children? What is this,  _ Game of Thrones _ ?”

“Okay, smart-ass.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Do you think I...have feelings for Rey?”

“I think it would be hard for you to not have feelings,” she says honestly. “However...brief your fling was, you were clearly attracted to her at that point, and she has physical proof of it. Very permanent physical proof, I might add.” She pauses. “But I also think you’re a bit smitten.”

“I am not,” he insists. “Being nice to someone with whom I will be raising a child isn’t flirting.”

“Okay, no need to get defensive,” she says, waving a hand in dismissal. “I’m just saying, it would be awfully convenient.”

It  _ would _ be convenient if Ben and Rey had a romantic relationship. They could get married and raise the baby as one family unit. There would be no custody disputes, no confusion on the baby’s part if and when Rey or even Ben got married and started a new family.

But that’s not what this is. They are just two people who accidentally fucked and are now co-parenting. That’s it.

Right?

.

Ben and Rey talk more and more as the pregnancy progresses. Weekly text updates turn into daily conversations—mostly about the baby, but sometimes they talk about the shows they’re watching (he’s gotten her into  _ Lost _ and he’s enjoying her live updates) or recommend audiobooks and podcasts to each other. He isn’t always able to make it to Hartford for the weekend, so he enjoys her updates, treasures the pictures she sends of baby items his mother buys and her growing bump. And it is growing—it might be unnoticeable on bigger women, but Rey is so slim that the extra weight is glaringly obvious. 

“My clothes all fit so weird,” she laments over the phone one night. “I either have to wear low ride pants and big shirts or just let the bump hang out.”

“You know, in the Victorian period, women weren’t allowed to be visibly pregnant. They would have to formally withdraw from society and lie in bed all day while they waited to give birth. They weren’t even allowed to receive visitors.”

“In the Victorian period, women were also considered pariahs for having sex outside of marriage,” she points out. “So it’s a good thing we don’t live two hundred years ago, huh?” 

“I guess so.”

There’s a small silence while they both search for a change of subject. 

“So the ultrasound is next week,” Rey says. 

“I know, I’m excited.” He’s had it marked in his calendar for weeks now, has already made plans to be out of the office. Next week, he’ll get his first real glimpse at the baby. 

“What do you think it’s gonna be, boy or girl?”

He considers her question. He hasn’t really thought much about it, truth be told. He’ll be excited for whatever comes out of that belly. “Twins,” he jokes. “One of each.”

“What?” she laughs. “That’s cheating.”

“No it’s not. My mom has a twin brother. Maybe it’s genetic.”

“Hmm, maybe.” A small, happy sigh. “Only one week until we find out.”

One week until he finds out if they’re going to have a boy or a girl. Not that it’s going to affect his love for the baby: he would love a boy or a girl equally. But there’s something exciting about  _ knowing _ what he’s going to have. What  _ they’re _ going to have. 

“How do you feel?” he asks her. She tells him sometimes when she’s fatigued or sore, but he never tires of hearing about it. It makes him wish he could go through this with her, that his body could take some of her burden. 

“Tired, as always. Hungry. And to be honest, horny.”

Ben nearly chokes on his spit.

He knows women get horny during pregnancy—he’d seen it on an episode of  _ Friends _ . But there’s a difference between Jennifer Aniston saying it to good-natured studio laughter and Rey saying it to him now. 

“Oh?” he says in what he fervently hopes is a neutral voice. 

“Yeah. Not a big deal. Just a bit annoying.”

_ Don’t ask her for more details. _

“Is anyone...helping you with it?”

_ God DAMN it, Solo _ . 

“What? No. I had trouble getting laid before, and now that I’m pregnant...nuh-uh.”

“What about Finn?”  _ Shut up shut up shut up.  _ “Isn’t he...interested?”

“Yeah, but I’m not interested in him.” 

They’re both quiet for a long moment. 

“So,” Ben says, clearing his throat. “Mom wants me to go to shul when I visit.”

“Oh.” Rey sounds...disappointed. “That’s like...temple, right?”

“Right.” 

“Guess I have to learn this stuff now,” she says with an attempt at cheerfulness. “Since I’ll have a Jewish baby.”

“Right.” He shifts uncomfortably at the thought of taking his little one to shul, of the whispers behind his back of  _ the Solo kid isn’t even Jewish—his mom’s a  _ shiksa. But he knows his kid will be Jewish because fuck your outdated rules about Jewishness. But. That doesn’t mean the other Jewish kids won’t give them a hard time about being a goy.

“Ben?” Rey’s voice cuts through his internal monologue. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He forced a smile even though she can’t see him. He hopes she can hear it in his voice. “I’m fine. Just. I don’t go to shul very often.”

“You’re not religious?”

“Not really.”

“Your dad wasn’t either, I don’t think.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Han’s mother was Jewish, which made him Jewish in the eyes of his community, even if his father had been very, very Irish Catholic. He hadn’t had a bar mitzvah or anything, and he hadn’t even really gone to shul until he met Leia, and even that had been an anomaly. If Ben has any kind of religiosity to him, it’s solely because of Leia. “One time he told my mom he had to take a dump during services. I found him in the basement watching the World Cup.”

Rey laughs. “That sounds like Han.”

“Yeah.” And then, because he’s feeling warm and content in the memory of his father watching the World Cup, pulling Ben onto his lap and explaining the different players and positions, he blurts, “I wish he was here.”

“I do too,” she says softly. 

They’re quiet for a moment, thinking about Han. Han would be tickled pink to find that Ben had knocked up Rey. His real kid and the kid he’d always wanted coming together and giving him a grandkid. He’d love it.

Of course, if Han was here, there wouldn’t have been a funeral, and Ben and Rey never would have fucked. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

He takes a deep breath. “Why did you let me...do what I did at the funeral?”

“Ben, we’ve been over this.”

“I still don’t understand.”

She sighs. “You needed it, and I was just...content to help you in whatever way I could.”

“But  _ why _ ?” he wants to know. “Why would you care that much about someone you barely knew?”

Rey’s voice turns icy. “Maybe I knew you better than you thought.”

“I don’t—“

“I have to go.” And she hangs up, leaving him stunned.

_ Knew you better than you thought _ . 

What does that mean? Rey doesn’t know him. Or she didn’t at the funeral. They’d barely exchanged more than five words in the time between their first meeting and the funeral. Han talked about her sometimes, but Ben rarely talked to his father long enough to hear about her. How could Rey have known him?

  
  



	6. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update! I wanted to thank those of you who helped me today <3

_ Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight _

_ Won't somebody help me _

_ Chase the shadows away _

_ Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight _

_ Take me through the darkness _

_ To the break of the day _

_. _

Ben radiates with nervous energy as he and Rey drive to the OB/GYN. Her earlier frostiness is forgotten, replaced with nervousness.

“I don’t care what it’ll be,” she keeps saying. “I’m just worried something will be wrong.”

“Everything will be fine,” he reassures her. “And even if it isn’t, we’ll get through this.” 

Rey smiles thinly and squeezes his hand.

The ultrasound goes more or less smoothly. Ben sits as close to Rey as he’s able, hands entwined as the ultrasound tech squirts gel onto Rey’s stomach and presses against her belly. Rey’s hands are sweaty, but Ben’s sure his are too as a grainy black and gray image fuzzes to life. At first, they don’t see anything, but then there’s movement and Rey gasps.

“Here we go,” the tech says. She traces over the little rounded shape. “This is your baby.”

“Holy shit,” Ben breathes, squeezing Rey’s hand as he takes in the image. It’s not easy to see, but he can just make out the little body.

“This big thing here is baby’s head,” the tech says. The head moves, almost as if the baby is turning to see what’s pressing down on Rey’s belly. “These are the legs...and you can’t always see the arms, but if you look right here, you can just make them out.” 

“Is everything...okay?” Rey asks nervously. “I mean, is anything...wrong with the baby?”

“Give me just a few minutes, okay?” the tech says not unkindly. She zooms in, snapping screenshots and sorting them. Ben and Rey can only watch, entranced at this technology neither of them quite understands.

“Okay,” the tech says after a long moment. “Baby has ten fingers and ten toes, and as far as we can tell, she’s perfectly healthy.”

“She?” Ben says at once. “It’s a girl?”

“It’s a girl,” the tech says, smiling.

Ben has never felt more emotional in his life. He’s having a girl. He and Rey are going to be the parents of a little girl. Oh god, he’s going to spoil her rotten. Leia will be so happy. He wonders what she’ll look like. Brown-eyed, probably. Brown hair. Freckles. A nose that crinkles when she smiles. A miniature Rey, with a face full of sunshine and a smile that lights up the whole world.

“Ben?” Rey pushes into his reverie, giving him a misty smile. “Are you okay?”

He realizes that he’s crying. He uses his free arm to wipe his eyes, laughing a little. “Yeah, I’m just...I’m so happy.”

Rey squeezes his hand. “Me too.”

.

Ben definitely becomes that person who carries around pictures of the sonogram and shows it to anyone who will look. Hux and Phasma think he’s lost his goddamn mind. Some of the paralegals think it’s cute. 

Snoke does not find it cute, nor even a little acceptable. On one of the rare occasions he’s in the office, he summons Ben to him.

“I hear you’re to become a father,” Snoke says, sounding disappointed as always.

“I am,” Ben confirms.

“Hmm.” Snoke does not look pleased. “I hope you understand what a prestigious firm this is, Solo.”

Ben grits his teeth. So, they’re doing this. “I’m very aware, sir.”

“And I hope you understand how easily I could replace you.” 

“Yes, sir.” It’s a threat Snoke likes to make. The  _ I’ll replace you if you displease me _ threat. The  _ you came from nothing and I can return you to nothing with a flick of my wrist _ threat. He’s familiar with it by now.

“Don’t let this child interfere with your work. That is all.”

It’s a clear dismissal. Ben leaves the room, feeling both chastened and enraged.

He’s still upset when he talks to Rey later that night, something she quickly picks up on. He finds himself telling her all about Snoke, how he’d interned for the man in law school, how Snoke had made him feel special and bright, how he’d made so many promises if Ben would only come work for him. And as soon as Ben did, Snoke changed. Ben was no longer special and bright, he was dull and incompetent, he owed everything to Snoke, so on and so on. It’s been several years now but Ben is so, so afraid he won’t be able to work at another firm. Not without Snoke blackening his name, anyway.

“He’s manipulating you,” Rey says, enraged. “That’s borderline  _ abuse _ , Ben!”

“It doesn’t matter what it is,” he says dully. “It just...is.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way.” She lets out an angry, guttural noise. “You should leave him. There have got to be dozens of other firms in the city that would take you.”

“None that will take me after what Snoke will do to punish me,” he points out. “I’d be better off moving to a different state.”

“Like Connecticut?”

He considers this. “...possibly.” It would keep him closer to the baby, which is always a good thing.

But it isn’t New York. It’s what New Yorkers consider to be the suburbs, the place Don Draper-type characters keep their families while they do the  _ real _ work in the city. It’s just. Connecticut.

“It doesn’t have to be Connecticut,” she says, seeming to pick up on his discomfort. “You could go to Boston.”

Boston is also a possibility. It’s a city, a real one, close enough to Hartford that he could still see the baby and far enough away from New York that Snoke might not be able to do much damage. 

“I’ll think about it,” he promises. “But how are you? We’ve only talked about me.”

“I’m fine,” she says, sounding pleased he’d asked. “Still tired and horny all the time.”

And, well, his bad mood sort of evaporates. 

“I...uh...really?”

“Does that embarrass you?”

“No,” he says far too quickly. “I just...I don’t know what to do about it.”  _ Fuck fuck why did he have to say that-- _

“Don’t you?”

He nearly has a heart attack.

“What…?”

She lets out a small, embarrassed laugh. “Sorry. I’m bad at this.”

Ben swallows. “Rey, are you...is this a booty call?”

She bursts into giggles. “Maybe. Sort of. I don’t know. I didn’t  _ intend _ for it to be but then--”

“You want to have sex with me?”

Wow, he’s really just killing it with the charm tonight. 

“Maybe?” she squeaks. “Ben, I’m like...insanely horny all the time and I feel...men don’t  _ look _ at me the same anymore which is totally fine except for the fact that they don’t want to have sex with a pregnant woman and the only other person I could ask is Finn, who I do  _ not _ want to have sex with because I know he’ll think it means more than it does and also because Rose is absolutely in love with him, and I just really, really need to get off on something that isn’t a vibrator.”

This is...so much information for Ben to process. His cock twitches at the thought of Rey, baby bump and all, moaning under a vibrator’s ministrations.

But.

She asked him because there was no one else. She doesn’t really want him, doesn’t have feelings for him, she just wants to use him to get off and is probably only asking him because he’s the one who got her into this mess in the first place. She hadn’t even come that first time, so she must really be desperate.

“But if you’re not interested,” she says quickly, and he realizes he’s been silent for too long, “you totally, totally don’t have to. In fact, disregard everything I just said, because I’m like, crazy and pregnant or whatever and I can just take care of myself--”

“No.” 

“What?”

He licks his lips. “No, I’ll...I’ll do it.”

“You don’t have to,” she says, sounding embarrassed.

“I want to.”

“I don’t want a pity fuck.”

“It won’t be.” He swallows. It’s now or never. “Rey, I...I find you very attractive. I would...really like to have sex with you. If that’s what you want.”

Rey is quiet for so long he’s afraid he’s the one to scare her off. But at last, she says, “Well, then.”

“I’ll come up this weekend,” he tells her. “And I’ll make you feel so good, Rey, I promise.”

There’s a nervous giggle on the other end. “Oh. Okay. Um...sure. Yes. I’ll see you...Friday?”

“Friday,” he promises, already mentally planning how to get out of work a little early. Fuck, he’s already hard at the thought of her, the thought of fucking her. Her belly is still small enough that he’ll be able to fuck her without much difficulty. And even when she’s big and swollen, he thinks he’ll find a way if that’s what she wants. He thinks he’d probably give her anything she wants. 

As soon as he hangs up with Rey, he calls his mother. “I’m coming up this weekend.”

“I hoped you would!”

He takes a deep breath. “I’ll probably be...spending a lot of time with Rey. This weekend.”

“Oh?” Leia asks with interest. “Doing baby things?”

Ben closes his eyes. “You could say that.”

“Well, have fun.”

Ben wonders if she knows. He decides he doesn’t want to find out.

.

On Friday, he slips out a couple hours early and makes the two and a half hour drive to Hartford. It’s nearly six when he pulls up to Rey’s apartment. She yanks him inside before he’s finished knocking, closing the door before surging up on her toes to kiss him. 

Kissing Rey is...amazing. They hadn’t before, but he relishes it now, his tongue touching hers, his hands in her hair and on her hips and everywhere all at once. 

“I need it so bad,” she breathes, nipping his lip. “Please…”

Ben bodily lifts her, wrapping her legs around his waist as he carries her the short distance to her bed. She doesn’t stop kissing him the entire time, holding him so tightly it’s as if she’s afraid he’ll change his mind and run out of here at the last minute. As if he would. 

It takes maneuvering to lower her onto the bed, but when he does, her pupils are blown wide and it’s so, so worth it. 

“I find you very, very attractive too,” she blurts. “I don’t...I mean…”

Some part of Ben rumbles in male pride. He kisses her, putting an end to her stammering, and then crawls down her body.

“I didn’t make you come last time,” he murmurs. “I’m going to now.”

Rey’s breath hitches. 

Ben pushes up her shirt, kissing her belly. It’s a little bigger now, a little rounder, and he finds it ridiculously sexy. He tugs at her leggings, pulling them down her legs and off her feet. Her underwear follows, and Ben...Ben can barely control himself. She’s beautiful and glistening and pink and he’s  _ drooling _ for her. How had he fucked this without appreciating it? 

He presses a kiss to her cunt now, breathing in the tangy sweet scent of her. Rey’s breath hitches again, so he licks gently at her folds. That coaxes a moan from her, one she tries to muffle with her arms. He decides that he isn’t going to let her get away with it. He licks a lazy trail up and down her folds, tongue dipping loosely into her slit and then swirling around her clit. He does this until Rey drops her arms, her hands gripping the sheets as if her life depends on it. Then, and only then, does he slip a finger inside of her. 

The response is instantaneous. Rey cries out, her hips bucking frantically against his hand and face. He makes soothing noises as he curls his finger inside her, stroking the rough patch there. He adds a second finger, growling in satisfaction when he feels her flutter around him. She’s so, so close, and it only takes a well-timed third finger for her to come completely unraveled. Her hands seize his hair, tugging roughly as she shouts in pleasure. Beneath him, Ben’s already stiff cock twitches. 

“So good,” she’s mumbling. “So, so good…”

Ben crawls back up her body, kissing her with her come still on his lips. She kisses back eagerly, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He doesn’t even wait until he’s fully bare; pants around his ankles, he pushes slowly into her, his groan matching hers. 

“I almost forgot how big you are,” she breathes, face pink. 

Ben could purr, he’s so happy. He thrusts slowly until her walls stretch accommodatingly around him, until she pushes at his chest ever so gently. He rears back, worried, but she sits up with an embarrassed face. 

“I like it...from behind.”

How Ben doesn’t come right then and there, he doesn’t know, but somehow he manages to keep it together as she rolls onto all fours. He’s on her again, hands on her hips as he fucks her roughly. Rey keens under him, moans filling her tiny apartment. 

“So good, you’re so good, I... _ fuck _ , Ben, I’m so close…”

“Come for me,” he says in a voice he doesn’t quite recognize. “Rey…”

She does, screaming into her pillow as her walls clamp down on his cock. He comes, too, jerking wildly into her hips as he fills her with his hot seed.

“Are you on the pill?” he jokes after, and Rey bursts into undignified laughter. She rolls onto her back, grinning up at him. He’s tempted to kiss her again, maybe put his face back between her legs and draw another delicious moan from her. 

Instead, he flops down beside her, resting a massive hand on her belly. 

“Thanks for that,” she hums. “I was going crazy.”

“Yeah, anytime,” he says, and he means it.

That was easily some of, if not the, best sex he’s ever had. He would do it again in a heartbeat—and it’s really only taken him that long to recover. He would like to do it again too so that he can take his time and fuck Rey through several orgasms before coming himself. 

Something bumps under his hand. At first he thinks it’s gas, Rey’s body ever-adjusting to the baby, but there’s a look of wonder on her face. “Did you feel that?” 

He nods. “Is that…?”

“That’s the baby kicking,” she says excitedly, resting her own hand on her belly. 

Ben feels in awe as the baby kicks again. “Who knew all we had to do was have sex to make her come to life?”

Rey laughs again. It’s one of the most beautiful sounds Ben has ever heard. 

.

Ben tries to clean up before heading over to his mom’s house, but Leia looks like she just  _ knows _ as soon as he walks in. 

“How was the drive?” she asks, heating up dinner. 

“Fine.”

“And how was Rey?”

He swallows. “Also fine.”

“I bet she was,” Leia mutters under her breath. 

“The baby’s started kicking,” he says, more to distract his mother than anything.

Sure enough, Leia’s eyes soften. “Really?”

“Yeah. It was…” He takes a deep breath, smiling at her. “It was really cool.”

“I can’t wait to feel.” She takes the mashed potatoes out of the microwave, stirring them. “You know, you barely kicked me in the womb. We all thought something was wrong with you, but they couldn’t find anything. It’s like you were just...content to be there. Waiting for us.”

He doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he’s spared an answer by Leia asking him to help with dinner. 

It isn’t until they’re sitting down at the table that she brings up Rey again. 

“So what’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” he says far too quickly.

She rolls her eyes. “You’re having a baby together, there’s no need to play coy.”

“We’re just having sex,” he says, ears reddening at this admission. “And only because the pregnancy is making her horny all the time.”

“Right,” Leia deadpans. “That’s why.”

“Mom…”

“I’m just saying that maybe Rey thinks this is more than just sex,” she tells him. “And I don’t want you to break her heart.”

“Mom, oh my god.” He can’t believe he’s having this conversation with her. “It was Rey’s idea, I’m not...we’re not...I’m not gonna break her heart.”

Leia purses her lips. “Hmm.”

“Weren’t you just accusing me of being the smitten one?” he retorts.

“I think you’re both smitten with each other and you’re handling it terribly.”

That gives Ben some pause. After the last few hours, he knows his feelings for Rey--whatever they may be--are a bit more than platonic. But she can’t feel that way about him. She said herself, she couldn’t ask anyone else to help her with her horniness and he was just...there. The one who got her into this mess and therefore the one who should have to take care of her when she’s horny because of the pregnancy. That’s all their arrangement is. 

“I really don’t think she’s into me that way, Mom.”

“But you’re into her,” Leia presses.

Now it’s Ben’s turn to purse his lips. “I don’t know.”

“You are,” she says, satisfied. 

“If you say so.”

“Ben!”

“I like her,” he admits. “I’m not... _ smitten _ , but...I like her.” 

“You are very smitten, and so is she,” Leia says in a tone that brooks no room for argument. “Though I understand why you’re both being so pigheaded about it--this isn’t exactly an ideal situation to woo somebody in.”

“To  _ woo _ somebody? What is this,  _ Pride and Prejudice _ ?” 

“If Mr. Darcy knocked up Elizabeth Bennet at the beginning of the novel, then yes.”

Ben raises his glass. “Touché.”

.

Truthfully, though, Ben spends the rest of the night thinking about what his mother had said. He’s willing to admit that maybe his feelings for Rey are stronger than he’d said, but for her to return those feelings...she can’t. She doesn’t. She  _ shouldn’t _ . She deserves better than this, better than him. Much as it makes him sick, he has to admit that she’d be better off with someone like Finn; someone her own age, someone who lives here and doesn’t just visit when it’s convenient. Not that he won’t be making the baby a priority, but he can’t live here full-time, and Rey...Rey deserves someone who will love her full-time. Ben can give her a lot of things, but that...that isn’t one of them.

  
  



	7. Does Your Mother Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday!

_ You're so hot, teasing me _

_ So you're blue _

_ but I can't take a chance on a chick like you _

_ That's something I couldn't do _

_ There's that look in your eyes _

_ I can read in your face _

_ that your feelings are driving you wild _

_ Ah, but girl you're only a child _

_. _

He’s answering work emails when a text alert appears on his screen. Pulling up the chat window, he sees a text from Rey.

_ Maybe this is inappropriate but work is slow and I’m horny again and I was hoping maybe you’d want to come over? _

The alacrity with which Ben closes his laptop and yanks on a pair of shoes is frankly impressive. 

“Where are you going?” Leia calls after him.

“Just running an errand!” he calls back before barreling out the door and getting in his car. He gets to the shop in record time.

The shop is almost empty. Ben knows this because when he gets inside, he hears “Thank You For the Music.”

“ABBA again?” he teases, finding Rey mixing paint. She’s wearing greasy, paint-splattered overalls a few sizes too big for her and a tank top that looks like it’s seen better days. For some reason, it really turns him on. 

“I told you, I like ABBA,” she says, straightening up and kissing him. It feels dangerously casual. 

“You like ABBA more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she says, giving him one of those smiles that crinkles her nose.

He leans down to kiss her again. “You’re adorable.”

“Adorable?”

“Yeah. But you have to turn this off, I can’t maintain an erection to this.”

Rey giggles and moves to turn off the speakers. Blissful silence fills the shop. 

“Well?” she says, practically skipping to the back room. “What are you waiting for?”

The sex is good. Like, really good. Rey rides him on the couch, her face glowing with a healthy sheen of sweat, her lips parting and making the most delicious noises as she gets closer and closer. Ben can only stare up at her, awed and aroused and terrified that maybe this is more than he’d thought even last night. Maybe he is smitten. Maybe he lov--

Rey comes with a cry, her fingernails digging into his chest as she clenches down on his cock, drawing a surprised orgasm from him, too. His hands grip her hips tighter than he means to, holding her still as he thrusts up into her. They finish at nearly the same time, Rey slumping over him as he pants. 

“Thanks for that,” she murmurs shyly, his cock still inside her.

“Oh yeah,” he says breathlessly. “Anytime.”

She climbs off him with some effort, waddling to the bathroom. He lies still, cock softening and cum drying as he listens to the running faucet. 

When she reappears, she surprises him by straddling him. Not that he’s complaining; his hand comes up to stroke her hip. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” she asks, running her fingers up and down his chest.

“You,” he says honestly.

She looks pleased. “What about me?”

_ You’re insanely beautiful and sexy. You’re smart and funny. You stand up for yourself and you’ve urged me to do the same, which no one has ever done before. We’re having a baby together and I can’t imagine a more perfect mother. I wish I deserved you. _

“My mom thinks you have feelings for me.”

Okay, that’s not... _ quite _ how he was gonna ask that, but the situation is still salvageable. 

Or so he thinks, until the smile fades from Rey’s face. “Why does she think that?”

Truthfully, he doesn’t know. “I don’t know. I think it’s because of the sex.”

Rey slides back, scooting until she’s at the far end of the couch. “You told her we had sex?”

_ F u c k.  _

“She figured it out,” he says lamely.

Rey gets up, shimmying back into her underwear and overalls. “I see.”

“Rey…” He stands up, yanking up his own pants and underwear. “I didn’t say anything, she just knew, okay?”

“And now she thinks I’m in love with you.” She folds her arms over her chest.

Ben feels a hot rush of anger and shame. “I didn’t say  _ anything _ , okay? And even if I did...it’s not like it matters. She already knows we fucked once, what’s another two or three times?”

This, clearly, was the wrong thing to say, because the pleasant pink flush in her cheeks has been replaced by an angry red. “I have to get back to work,” she says in a clipped tone. “Maybe now is a good time for you to go home and tell your mum all about it.”

That hits him like a slap in the face. He scowls, storming out the door and to his car. As he goes, he hears “Voulez-Vous” fill the shop. 

He’s angry the whole drive home. Fucking Rey. He doesn’t talk to his mom about fucking her. Except for when he does. But Leia brought it up! It’s not his fault his mom brought up his sex life and wouldn’t let it go!

“Is everything okay?” Leia asks when he storms in through the door.

“You’re ruining my life,” he says, and then, realizing the last time he said that he’d been seventeen, he takes a deep breath and rephrases, “Rey found out you and I had been talking about...my having sex with her and she got really upset about it.”

“She found out, huh?” Leia asks wryly. “And how did she find out, I wonder?”

Ben winces. “I...may or may not have...said something.”

Leia reaches up and flicks his head. 

“Mom!”

“That was stupid,” she scolds him. “What did she say?”

“She said I should go home and tell you all about it.”

Leia sucks in a breath. “Oy.”

“Yeah,” he sighs.

“Well, did you apologize?”

He doesn’t answer right away.

Leia flicks his head again.

“Ow, Jesus, Mom!’

“My idiot son,” she laments. “I didn’t raise you to be such a  _ nanuck _ , so why are you acting like one?”

“I’m not--”

“Rey is  _ young _ , Ben.” Leia looks suddenly very tired. “She’s young and vulnerable and scared and she just found out that the guy she’s been having sex with has been telling his  _ mother _ about it. Of course she’s upset. And you just walking out on her without trying to fix it isn’t helping matters any.” 

“Mom,” he mumbles, but he feels chastened. She’s right. He’s being an ass.

Leia twirls her pointer finger. “Go back there and don’t come home until you’ve fixed this.” 

With a sigh, Ben turns around and gets in his car. Walking out was stupid. He should have tried talking to Rey, to explain himself better. He only hopes it isn’t too late.

When he heads inside the shop, ironically, “Does Your Mother Know” is playing and Rey is sitting on the floor, bawling. He rushes to her side, flinging himself on the ground. “Hey, Rey…”

“You’re an  _ asshole _ ,” she sobs even as she throws herself into his arms. “A fucking asshole who talks about me to his mom and, and, and…”

And what, he never quite finds out, because she’s overcome with a fresh wave of sobbing. Ben holds her close, stroking her back and her hair as she soaks his shirt with tears. By the time the track changes to “The Winner Takes It All”, she’s calmer, sniffling into his now ruined shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her.

“No.” She sits up, wiping her face. It’s red and puffy and he feels like a dick. “I overreacted. And a big part of that was because I’ve never had a mum and I don’t...I don’t know what kinds of things mothers and their sons talk about.” Her voice catches. “And I got upset because...I’ve never had a mum, so I don’t know how to be a good one.”

“Rey,” he says, and he can feel his heart breaking a little. “You...you’re gonna be such a good mom. You’re excited for this baby, and you’re gonna love her so much.”

“But you’re the one who said loving your child isn’t enough,” she sniffles, and now he feels even more like a dick. “It wasn’t enough for you.”

“That...that’s different,” he tries to say, but Rey shakes her head. 

“How is it different?”

And the scary part is, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how it’s different. 

“I don’t think...I don’t think my dad knew how to love me,” he says slowly. “I think he just...thought it would come naturally and it didn’t.”

“What if it doesn’t come naturally to me?” she presses. “What if I have the baby and it doesn’t come naturally?”

“It will.”

“But how do you know?”

“I just...do,” he says lamely. He sighs, scooting closer. “Rey, you  _ want _ to be a good mom, and...I’m not saying there won’t be fuck-ups along the way, but that counts for a whole lot. My dad...I don’t think he wanted to be a good dad until it was too late.”

Rey seems pacified--at least a little.

“Han said something similar once,” she mumbles. “That he was too late. I didn’t really understand until now.”

To Ben’s surprise and relief, she wraps her arms around him. She seems calmer now. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “I get so emotional these days. Everyone told me I’d be crying over dog food commercials and I didn’t really believe them.”

“To be fair,” he offers, “I was being a dick.”

She lets out a small snort. “Will you keep me company for a while?” she asks as she pulls back. “I just feel…”

“Of course I will,” he says gently.  _ I think I would do anything you asked _ .

He ends up helping her mix paint for custom jobs. He hefts the paint cans while Rey tells him what she needs and stoops over each and every can, mixing until the color is just right. While they do this, they talk. 

“Okay, but really,” he presses. “The ABBA thing.”

“I don’t like talking about why I like ABBA because it means I have to talk about my tragic backstory,” she sighs. “Pink there.”

“Electric pink or Pepto-Bismol pink?”

“Pepto-Bismol.”

He pours. “Is this the tragic backstory where your parents abandoned you and you were raised by a series of foster parents?” 

“The very same.” 

“So what does that have to do with ABBA?”

She’s quiet for a moment, walking between rows and examining. “It’s sort of...cheesy.”

“So is ABBA.”

“Shut up.” She bites her lip. “It’s...I had this one foster mom, right? She was great. She took me to see  _ Mamma Mia! _ when it came to London. We bonded over it and she bought me the ABBA Gold CD and a CD player.” She takes a deep breath. “She wanted to adopt me, but it just didn’t work out. And I’d go to these horrible foster homes where the parents were awful and yelled at me and there were all these other kids living there and I’d just. Put on the CD and pretend I was back at the other foster home.” Her smile is sad. “I know it’s stupid and cheesy, but whenever I’m upset, I just. Listen to ABBA and it makes me feel safe and happy and loved again.”

Ben feels like crying. He also feels like a dick for constantly ragging on ABBA. ABBA is her coping mechanism. ABBA is her happy place. And he’s been making fun of it. 

“I didn’t know.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t like telling people. I don’t even think Finn knows.” She shrugs. “But now you know. I promise I don’t  _ try _ to be annoying with it--”

He shakes his head. “No, play it whenever you want. Seriously, I...I want you to be happy.”

Rey gives him another one of those nose-crinkling smiles. “That’s so nice. Alexa, play ‘Dancing Queen’.” 

Ben can’t even bring himself to be mad. 

.

Because she’s had almost no business all day, Rey closes the shop early and then fools around with Ben in the back. He gets her off over and over with his fingers and his mouth. Occasionally, he allows her to return the favor. 

“What do you and your mom talk about when you talk about me?” she asks when they’re cuddling on the couch—or trying to. He’s very tall and she’s pregnant and they don’t fit very well, but they’re determined to make it work. 

He thinks about telling her that Leia insists they’re in love or something, that she believes they’re smitten with each other. But that feels dangerous, somehow, so he only says, “It’s nothing bad. Mostly she wants me to be good to you. She really likes you.”

“I really like her,” Rey hums. “She’s...genuine.” 

“Yeah.” He strokes her back. “She’s really excited about the baby and being a grandma. She was always afraid I wouldn’t meet anyone.”

“You could still meet someone,” Rey says softly. “Have a wife and kids. If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah.” Suddenly, she feels miles away. “I guess I could. And you could too.”

“Yeah,” she echoes. “Maybe.”

He tries to imagine their respective families merging over their daughter. She’d never want for company, surrounded by siblings, and she’d have four parents. 

But Ben might never find anyone, and then what? His daughter would have her mother and stepfather (for some reason, Ben can only see Finn in this role) and two or three siblings, and then her sad bachelor father. She’d hang out with him out of pity, because Dad doesn’t have anyone, and secretly yearn to be back with her  _ real _ family, her  _ big  _ family. 

As satisfying as it would be to imagine a future where Rey doesn’t find anyone either, it wouldn’t be fair to her. She deserves a full, happy life, and she deserves a family. A real family. One that listens to ABBA and tells each other when they’re in the hospital.

“You okay?” she asks sleepily.

“Yeah. Just…” He takes a deep breath. “Just thinking about my dad.” 

Rey hums sympathetically. “I miss him.”

“Yeah,” Ben sighs. “I do too.”

  
  



	8. Andante, Andante

_ Take it easy with me, please  _

_ Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze  _

_ Take your time, make it slow  _

_ Andante, Andante  _

_ Just let the feeling grow  _

_ Make your fingers soft and light  _

_ Let your body be the velvet of the night  _

_ Touch my soul, you know how  _

_ Andante, Andante  _

_ Go slowly with me now _

.

The next few weeks pass at a snail’s pace, and it isn’t helped by the fact that Ben has to come in every Saturday. Part of him suspects that Snoke is increasing his workload on purpose, but the thought sounds paranoid.

The next time he visits Hartford is to move the last of Rey’s things into his mother’s house, and he has to specifically request that Saturday off. That pisses him off. It’s a career and he’s salaried, sure, but it’s a Saturday and he’s been at the office for every single one the last few weeks. How is he supposed to see his baby if he has to work every weekend?

“Your boss is evil,” Rey informs him that Friday night. She’s come over for dinner and has been listening, along with Leia, to Ben talking about his Saturday hours. “Didn’t he just talk to you about not letting the baby interfere with your work?”

Ben is starting to regret telling Rey that, because she keeps bringing it up. “He did, but…”

“But, your employer shouldn’t have any say in your personal life,” Leia fills in. “I know you’re a big-shot lawyer and all, but you can’t give your work your all if it’s draining your energy.”

And, well, it’s never quite occurred to Ben to think about it in those terms before.

“I’m telling you, you’re on the way to an early grave,” Leia goes on.

There’s an uncomfortable pause before Ben clears his throat. 

“It’s a really good job,” he says, not for the first time. “I would be stupid to leave.”

“You’d be stupid to stay,” Rey tells him. “Your boss is abusing you, and the more you give up to be there, the harder it will be to get away.”

“Rey’s right,” Leia says primly. “Give a mouse a cookie and all that.”

“Once I have more seniority, I’ll be able to take more time off,” he says. He leaves out the part where “more seniority” is probably still a few years away. “He just doesn’t want me to skip out all the time, that’s all.”

“He wants you to become a corporate slave,” Rey says.

Ben rolls his eyes. “I work for a law firm, not a corporation.”

“Do you, though?”

“Well, I’m glad you were able to get away this weekend,” Leia says before they can argue. “It’s been too long.”

“It’s been like a month.”

“Like I said, it’s been too long.”

Ben rolls his eyes again, this time with a smile, and turns his attention back to Rey. “So how much stuff am I moving?”

“Not that much,” she assures him. “Finn will be there too.”

Ben glances at Leia, whose face has become markedly closed off. “I didn’t know that,” he says.

Rey shrugs. “Yeah, well, he offered, and I didn’t want you to do all the work.”

It’s a fair point, but it still bothers Ben. Even if he has no plans to pursue Rey, the idea that someone else has romantic intentions with her sends a hot flash of jealousy through him. Even if Finn really would be the better man for her.

“She’s right, though,” Leia says after Rey goes home. “You are becoming a slave to that man.”

“I know,” Ben sighs. “But that’s just how it is now, you know? Employers want to reach their employees at all times. Separating the personal from the professional just isn’t realistic if you want to make it big these days.”

“Maybe,” Leia says. “But I think it’s a load of bullshit. My dentist only works four days a week but my son has to work six? That’s unacceptable.” 

Ben kisses her cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

Leia’s eyes are misty as she murmurs, “I love you too, Ben. So much.”

.

The next morning, Ben and Leia wake up early and trundle over to Rey’s apartment. She really doesn’t have much left after slowly migrating her things to Leia’s, but there are some boxes that Ben and Finn put in their respective cars. 

It’s...awkward, with Finn. The younger man clearly doesn’t trust or like Ben, and as Ben doesn’t like him very much either, this makes their interactions short and pointedly cold, something that does not escape Leia’s notice. If Rey sees it, she doesn’t acknowledge it. She’s been banned from doing anything strenuous, so she and Leia halfheartedly try to clean up after Ben and Finn. There isn’t much to clean in such a small apartment, but they get the bathroom spic and span, use a Mr. Clean magic eraser on the scuffs on the wall, and sweep and mop the hardwood floor. Or rather, Leia does, and occasionally allows Rey to help. 

Then they’re heading over to Leia’s house and unloading everything in the living room and Rey’s bedroom. It’s always been a fashionably bare room, and it’s strange but somehow nice to see it filled with Rey’s things. 

Finn stays behind to help Rey unpack, and it takes Ben a few minutes to realize that Finn is just...going to hang out. Without being invited. Though, technically, he was invited by Rey, who lives here now, which means. Ben could be seeing a lot more of Finn in the future. The thought hasn’t occurred to him before, and it unsettles him. 

“Why don’t you cool off in the pool?” Leia suggests, seeing his discomfort. “You worked up a sweat and you deserve to relax.”  _ And you probably shouldn’t be in the house while Finn is here _ goes unsaid but heavily implied.

So Ben changes into his swim trunks and heads out to the pool. As he passes Rey’s room, he doesn’t miss the way she stops mid-conversation to watch him go. He raises a hand in silent greeting and then passes down the stairs.

The pool is refreshingly cool. He swims with measured strokes, letting the water wash over him and cool the fire under his skin until he’s breathless and a little tired. Then he grabs one of the floats and relaxes, drifting off into a pleasant nap as the sun warms him.

Dimly, he hears the noises of chatter, and a car, and then all goes silent again until a wave of cold water hits him. He sits up, sputtering, and sees Rey standing a few feet away, grinning. She’s wearing a bikini, her belly oddly distorted under the water. 

“What was that for?” he demands, but his heart is hammering at the sight of her so scantily clad. 

“I couldn’t resist,” she says, still grinning. 

Ben glances around. “Where’s Finn?”

“He left already.”

_ Good _ , some animalistic part of him growls. Ben clears his throat. “Oh. I must’ve been asleep.”

“Yeah, you were out of it.” She reaches for a noodle, resting her arms and chest on it. It doesn’t do nearly enough to support her weight, though, so she reaches for a second. “Thanks for helping today.”

“Of course.” He sits up, wincing as he dips his legs into the water. It’s much brisker now that he isn’t hot and sweaty. 

“And thanks for putting up with Finn,” she says, lips curling. “I know you two don’t get along.”

“I just don’t know him that well,” Ben says, which isn’t  _ un _ true--it just isn’t the whole truth. “And I don’t think he likes me.”

“He doesn’t,” she says bluntly. “But he’s my best friend.”

“Fair enough.” 

Rey leans back, letting her feet float up to the surface. “Have you thought about names for the baby?”

“Not really,” he admits. “I didn’t want to...presume. Why? Have you?”

“No,” she says. “I know I should be, but I just...I don’t know. Naming her so soon feels...like tempting fate.”

Ben sits up a little straighter. “Dr. Kanata says the risk for miscarriage significantly decreases after the first trimester.”

“I know,” she says. “I do, it’s just…I don’t know. I’m scared. About all of this.” She heaves a deep, shaky breath. “And I’ve never felt so alone in my life.”

That sends a pang through his chest. “You’re not alone,” he assures her.

Rey gives him a look. “Neither are you,” she says softly. Slowly, she reaches out her hand; he floats closer until he can take it. They float like that for a long moment, just holding hands and looking at each other.

The bang of the screen door gives them a jolt, and they drop hands to look up. Leia is coming towards them, a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches in one arm and three Solo cups in the other. “Time for a swim snack!” she calls cheerfully.

“She used to do this all the time when I was a kid,” Ben tells Rey when she gives him a questioning look. “My swim snack. Grilled cheese and lemonade.”

Rey smiles. “That’s cute.” 

“Yeah. She’ll probably do it again for Baby.”

Rey’s smile broadens as she touches her belly. “I hope so.”

As they munch on their grilled cheese, Ben tries to imagine it. A little girl with dark pigtails, freckled face scrunched up in laughter as she eats a grilled cheese sandwich and wraps herself up in a Little Mermaid towel. He imagines her sitting on Rey’s lap, kicking her feet and babbling about what she’s been imagining while she swims. Maybe he’ll swim with her on the weekends, sit her in his lap on the float and push them from one side of the pool to the other the way his dad used to do with him. 

Not for the first time, Ben misses his father. 

.

It’s weird to have Rey living in the house. Nice, but weird.

In the two weeks he’s away, she’s made herself completely at home. Her snacks fill the pantry and refrigerator, her shoes have been kicked into odd corners, and most distracting of all, the upstairs bathroom is full of her things. He reaches for the shampoo his mother keeps there for him and grabs Herbal Essences instead. When he brushes his teeth, he takes care to grab the right toothbrush. 

It’s nice, though. He feels better, somehow, knowing Rey is living here. It means she and his mother can keep an eye on one another. Best of all, it means that when the baby arrives, he won’t have to make an extra trip to see her. She’ll be right here, just across the hall from him.

On the next Saturday he visits, the three of them make a trip the IKEA in New Haven to get furniture for the nursery. Their excitement only increases when Rey admits she’s never been to an IKEA.

“You’re going to love it,” Leia assures her. “Just don’t get carried away.”

But Rey, inevitably, does.

“I want this room,” she insists as Ben and Leia drag her away from one of the minimalist bedroom sets. “It’s perfect, I want it.”

“You already have a very nice room,” Ben tells her. “And this minimalist crap isn’t sustainable.”

He doesn’t bother mentioning that most of his own apartment in New York is minimalist. She doesn’t need to know, okay?

Eventually, they settle on what looks like a sturdy crib and a changing table, as well as a few small things--a clothes hamper, a toy chest, a mobile that plays a tinkling lullaby when you pull the string. 

That’s the easy part. The hard part is trying to assemble said crib and changing table when they get home.

“I understand that Tab A goes into Slot B,” Ben says, squinting at the instructions. “But where is Slot B?”

“Wouldn’t it go into Slot A?” Rey asks reasonably. 

“I know what I read, Rey.”

Two hours and a nearly destroyed crib later, Rey finally intervenes. The cradle is assembled in a matter of minutes. 

“I can’t believe I was defeated by Swedish baby furniture,” he laments, setting up the crib by the window. Rey just grins, moving on to the changing table.

“The big bad corporate attorney can’t put together a simple crib--how embarrassing.”

“Yeah, well, most corporate attorneys wouldn’t even attempt it,” he says, sitting on the floor again to watch her. “Most of them think kids are beneath them. Or something for their wives to handle.”

“They sound charming.”

“Incredibly.” 

She glances up at him. “I’m glad you attempted it. And that you’re...here. You didn’t have to be.”

“But I wanted to be.” He shrugs. “I want to be involved. I may not be very good at it, but I want to be part of her life as much as I can.”

“Then you should quit your job,” Rey says, and that takes him aback.

“What?”

“I’m serious, Ben--this Snoke guy...he doesn’t like our baby.”

And that thought...has never really occurred to Ben. He knows, logically, that Snoke isn’t  _ happy _ about the baby, but for him to flat out not like her…

But of course he wouldn’t. The baby threatens to take Ben away from his work. Snoke can’t possibly profit from such a thing.

“You know why I can’t leave,” he says, but his heart isn’t really in it.

“You could,” she says stubbornly. “You could find another firm. Or you could move back to Hartford and practice law here. I know it’s not as glamorous as the city, but you’d be closer to us.”

Rey isn’t saying anything he hasn’t already considered, but it sounds different, coming from her. There’s more sense to it. He really should leave Snoke, if only for the baby’s sake. He doesn’t want to become the dad who’s never there, who keeps cancelling on days together and can’t come to recitals and school plays because of his job. He wants to be there for everything. 

“I’ll think about it,” he says. 

“That’s what you always say,” she mutters.

“It’s a lot to think about.”

Rey just purses her lips.

He understands her frustration. He can see how, to her, quitting seems like the obvious choice. It’s all very cut and dry to her. Ben hopes she keeps seeing it that way. He would hate for her to have to see it the way he does.

Later, much later, after Leia goes to bed, Rey steals across the hall and into Ben’s room. They’ve never fooled around in the house before, and the pressure of having to be quiet lest Leia hear them is ridiculously thrilling. He feels like a teenager again--except, teenage Ben held as much sexual appeal for girls as an unpeeled potato. Still, he feels younger than his thirty-two years as he eats Rey out, smirking when she uses a pillow to stifle her moans. He doesn’t dare fuck her with his cock, knowing that even though they’re separated by two walls and a staircase, his mother could easily hear the rhythmic thumping. Instead, he gets Rey off with his fingers and his mouth, and when she’s utterly spent she turns around and takes him in her mouth. 

He’s going to miss this. The fooling around. It won’t happen again once the baby comes. Rey won’t be pregnant and horny all the time then. She’ll be tired and sore and may never want to have sex again, let alone with Ben.

“Thanks,” Rey whispers after he finishes, and then she steals back into her bedroom.

Ben feels oddly bereft.

  
  



	9. Why Did It Have to Be Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo everyone! We are so close to the end! And don't worry, everything will (mostly) be tied up at the end! 
> 
> As an added note, I am not actually Jewish, so everything Jewish in this chapter is from my very patient and very Jewish friends who were kind enough to educate their neighborhood goy. תודה

_ When you were lonely, you needed a man _

_ Someone to lean on, well I understand _

_ It's only natural _

_ But why did it have to be me? _

_ Nights can be empty and nights can be cold _

_ So you were looking for someone to hold _

_ That's only natural _

_ But why did it have to be me? _

_. _

The next couple of months pass at a snail’s pace. Ben spends increasingly more time at work, leading to what feels like a permanent migraine. He’s only able to get up to Hartford once in that time. The rest of his limited free time is spent baby-proofing his apartment. He thought it would be easy, having such a minimalist space, but he’s quickly finding that it’s not as minimalist as he’d originally thought. Breakable accent pieces are given away--he buys a lock for his liquor cabinet (but he waits to install it, because he needs a stiff drink or three just about every day when he gets off work)--and he converts his spare bedroom into a nursery. Or tries to--after the trip to IKEA, he’s a bit daunted at the idea of putting together furniture. 

Rey is eight and a half months pregnant and Ben is preparing to see her and her swelling belly in a couple of hours when he gets a call from Snoke.

“I need you to come in tomorrow.”

Ben freezes at his desk, where he’s already packing up his things. “Excuse me?”

“I need. You. To come in. Tomorrow,” Snoke says, as if Ben didn’t hear him the first time.

“I’m taking tomorrow off,” Ben says, which is ridiculous because it’s a Saturday, he shouldn’t have to take it off in the first place.

“I need you to come in,” Snoke says again. “That Argyle case needs attention.”

“The review isn’t for another month—“

“Nevertheless,” Snoke says in a voice that brooks no room for argument. “It needs attention.”

Ben chews his lip. “What if I stayed late today and—“

“No. It will take too much time. Come in tomorrow.” And then he hangs up.

Ben throws his phone. It doesn’t do much good as it’s a landline and connected with a cord, but he feels better throwing it anyway. 

Fuck Snoke. Ben is tempted to just get up and go to Hartford anyway and deal with the fallout later. He’s been planning this weekend for weeks now, and to just take it away from him like that…

Ben reels the landline in by the cord, pressing his forehead against the stupid thing. Okay. Okay. He can stay late today and get in a couple hours of work. Then, if he gets in early enough tomorrow, he can bang out what’s left and hopefully get on the road by noon. It can work. It can work.

With a deep sigh, he reaches for his cell phone and dials his mother. 

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Hi Mom.” He takes another deep breath. “I have some bad news.”

“Is your jackass employer holding you hostage?” Leia asks in a threatening sort of tone. 

“Yes.”

She makes an irritated sound.

“I’ll drive up tomorrow,” he promises. “Maybe I can finish work by noon and get up there around two.”

“And then turn around twenty-four hours later.” She sighs. “Do whatever feels right, Ben.”

_ Whatever feels right _ . What  _ feels _ right is going to Hartford, but Ben can’t do that. Not without losing his job, which wouldn’t be a wise move right before having a baby. It wouldn’t be a wise move at  _ all _ , really. Snoke still has the power to destroy his career if he so chooses, and if Ben defies him, he will probably choose to do just that.

“I will, Mom.”

He stays at the office until seven-thirty, and then only because his stomach is rumbling so loudly he’s sure the cleaning staff can hear it. He’s barely taken off his shoes when a knock comes from the door. That in itself is unusual, because Ben has a doorman, and even take-out couriers have to call him to let him know they’re here. The only person who’s allowed up here…

...is his mother.

He opens the door and is both surprised and somewhat relieved to see not his mother, but Rey. She smiles shyly at him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He blinks. “What are you doing here?”

She shrugs. “You couldn’t come to us, so I thought I’d come to you.” She bites her lip. “But if this is inconvenient, I can go back to Hartford--”

“No!” he says quickly. “No, please...come in.”

She does, eyes widening as she takes in his apartment. He feels suddenly embarrassed for having such a nice place. He’s always been proud of it, but now, with Rey here and wearing his father’s old flannel and maternity jeggings, it feels gaudy. Then it hits him. Rey is  _ here _ .

“You drove all the way to New York?”

“You do it all the time,” she says with a shrug. “Or, you used to, until your evil boss started taking over your life.”

“Yeah, I’m...pissed,” he sighs. 

“And since a  _ mysterious benefactor _ bought me that car,” she says in a slightly accusing voice, “I figured I’d test it out.”

“Yeah, mysterious.”

Rey turns to look at him. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course.” He shows her the guest bathroom and then goes to pour her some water. She’s big now, something that becomes especially prominent as she waddles out of the bathroom, her flannel unbuttoned to reveal a stretched-out t-shirt. She takes the water from him with a smile, her eyes wandering out to the view of the city. 

“Your place is so nice.”

“It is,” he admits. 

“I guess I can see why you don’t want to leave New York.” She moves closer to the windows. “I wouldn’t want to leave here, either.”

He doesn’t really know what to say to that. “You can stay as long as you want.”

She turns around, smiling. “Thanks. I was hoping you’d say that, because honestly that drive almost killed me.”

He doesn’t love the thought of his heavily pregnant...well, a heavily pregnant Rey driving two and a half hours on a long stretch of highway, but he’s just so happy she’s here. She drove all this way for  _ him _ . 

“Rose watching the shop while you’re gone?”

Rose is one of Rey’s friends and a mechanic by trade. She and her sister run a place together, and when Rey needs time off, one of the Tico sisters steps in. They’ll be alternating days at her shop while she’s on maternity leave. Ben has offered to take care of Rey’s living expenses and shop upkeep in the meantime, and though she initially refused his offer, they both know that it’ll be expensive to pay Rose and Paige to watch the shop for that long. Rey’s still saying she’ll think about it, but Ben knows she’s about to cave.

“Yeah, I told her to go ahead and start taking over,” Rey sighs. “I’m getting too big to be of any use.”

“Probably for the best--you need to rest.”

“For a month?” She gives him a wry smile. “Nah, I know, I just. Feel useless, not working.”

Ben can’t imagine a month without work. But there again, he can’t imagine being pregnant. “It’s not a bad thing. You need to take care of you and Baby.” His stomach rumbles loudly just then. “I haven’t had dinner,” he says apologetically.

Her face lights up. “Let’s order take-out. I want Chinese.”

Ben orders a considerable amount of food, all of which Rey gobbles down. He would say she’s eating for two, but he knows her well enough by now to know she eats that much anyway. When they’re done, Rey looks at him with a different kind of hunger. 

“It’s been awhile since you were home,” she accuses, hand already creeping up his thigh. 

“It has been,” he agrees. “But we’re not at home.” What he means is,  _ my mom isn’t twelve feet away, so we can be as loud as we want _ .

It’s hard with the baby bump, but they finally figure out a position where Ben lies behind her on his bed, fucking her on their sides. She makes the neediest, most animal sounds while he does, and it takes every ounce of self restraint to make her come before he allows himself to. God, it feels so good to be inside her again, to fuck her as hard and as loudly as they want without having to worry about being overheard. He fucks her until they’re too exhausted to keep going, and then they fall asleep, his body curled around hers, hand on her belly.

When his alarm goes off at seven, they both groan. 

“Stay in bed,” he urges, knowing she needs more sleep for the baby. He takes care to move quickly and quietly, but Rey still pads out to say goodbye before he leaves.

“I’ll be home around noon, maybe sooner,” he says. “There’s food in the fridge--I left my credit card on the counter in case you want to order food or anything. Text me if you need anything.”

“Okay,” she says sleepily. She stands on her toes and kisses him. She tastes like sleep, but he finds it oddly endearing. He’s tempted to say fuck it and stay home with her--but he knows he can’t.

“I’ll be back,” he murmurs, and then he has to physically pull himself out the door.

He finishes his work in a trice, eager to get home to Rey. He works with earbuds in, listening to music, and keeps his phone close by in case Rey texts him. She doesn’t, which both relieves and worries him. 

He leaves the office at 11:15, all but whistling with his completed work. He’s almost at his car when his phone rings--Snoke.

Ben stares at the screen for a long moment, debating, and then declines the call. He’ll pay for that later, he knows, but right now, the image of Rey, nestled in his bed after a long night of getting well and properly fucked, is too much to resist. 

When he gets home he finds Rey not in bed but on the couch, a bowl of ice cream balanced on her belly as she watches a Netflix show called  _ Very British Problems _ .

“These aren’t actually British problems,” she complains. “They’re just like, normal people problems but with quirky British comedians talking about them.” 

Ben leans over to kiss her forehead. It’s all so wonderfully domestic. He thinks that he’d like to keep her here. “What do you want to do today? We could go out, see Central Park. Do something touristy.”

“I want food,” she declares despite the bowl of ice cream right on top of her. “Take me somewhere New York-y.”

He takes her to the pizza place around the corner, where she eats several slices of thin crust pizza. After, they walk to the Park.

“I’d like to take her here,” he says while they walk--slowly, of course, since Rey is considerably weighed down. 

“Baby?” She considers. “This would be a nice place to visit.”

“She could stay with me once in a while. I’ve started baby proofing the apartment.”

Rey smiles. “I’ve noticed. You’re missing a crib, though.”

“I’m traumatized after the last crib I tried to assemble.”

She laughs. “Fair enough. I’ll help you.”

“Not this weekend,” he declares. “This weekend I want--” But he stops himself. He was going to say,  _ I want you all to myself, _ but that wouldn’t be right because...well, because he doesn’t get to have her all to himself ever. This thing they’re doing, as nice as it is, is only while she’s pregnant and horny. She won’t be horny after the baby’s born. She might not even be horny a week from now, when she gets so big she can move even less than she can at present. “I want to just relax,” he says instead.

Rey stops, pulling him to her. “Then maybe we should go home so you can lie down.”

.

Half an hour later finds him doing just that, naked in his bed while Rey fairly bounces on his cock. Her breasts are huge now, something he dimly noticed the night before but is only really registering now. They’re covered in stretch marks, too, which he finds oddly endearing--they’ve grown so much that her skin can barely keep up. She doesn’t seem to mind.

After he comes, thrusting up into her as she comes down from her own high, he lets out a sigh. “God am I glad you came down this weekend.”

.

He offers to take Rey out all weekend, but she insists that she’s tired and hates walking now that she’s so pregnant--so they spend most of her visit cooped up in his apartment. 

“As long as there’s food and sex, I don’t really care,” she tells him.

“Luckily, I can provide an abundance of both.”

When they’re not eating or having sex or sleeping, they talk about the future.

“We should really start thinking of names,” he says, stroking her back. 

“I know. I’m just.” She takes a deep breath. “A name seems so  _ final _ .”

“We can think of names and wait until she’s born,” he suggests. 

“Do you have any names?”

“I was thinking maybe Padmé,” he says. “It was my grandmother’s name.”

“It’s a pretty name,” she murmurs. “What about Hannah? For…for your dad?”

Ben stiffens.

“I know it’s complicated,” she says. “But...we wouldn’t have met without him.”

“True,” he says slowly. “Well. Maybe that can be her Hebrew name.”

“Her Hebrew name?” Rey perks up. “Do Jewish kids get Hebrew names?”

“Yeah--Jewish documents are all written in Hebrew, so you have to have a Hebrew name.”

“What’s yours?”

“Benyamin,” he says, smiling. “Not as cool as you were hoping, right?”

“Admittedly, no.” She considers this. “Hannah can be her Hebrew name.”

“Good.” It feels right--naming her after Han without really naming her after Han. And when she has her bat mitzvah…

“Rey,” he says, “are you...okay with raising our baby Jewish? Ish?”

“Jewish-ish?” She shrugs. “Sure. If it’s important to you.”

“It’s important to my mom,” he says honestly. “But I...I feel like maybe I have to overcompensate with our baby.”

“Why?”

He hesitates. He doesn’t  _ want _ to tell her, but if she’s going to have this baby, she deserves to know. “So...the Jewish people have this...sort of outdated belief…”

“Is it because she’s being born out of wedlock?” she asks, sitting up.

He shakes his head. “No, that won’t be a huge problem, except for conservative old Orthodox folks. No, it’s more...see, some Jews believe that someone is only Jewish if their mother is Jewish.”

Rey is quiet for a long minute, and because it’s dark, he can’t really see her face. She radiates a troubled aura. “So...our baby won’t be Jewish?”

“She will be,” he says fiercely. “Because I’m Jewish and my parents are Jewish and just...my family is very Jewish. But I’m telling you now that there will be people in our life who won’t think she’s ‘really Jewish’ because you’re not.”

Rey is quiet for a moment. “So...do I have to convert?”

“No.” He sits up. “You don’t. Just...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s fine. She’ll be Jewish. Is Jewish, in fact. Don’t worry about anything.” 

Rey relaxes, but only a little. “I wish you’d told me sooner.”

“I’m sorry.” He is. “I didn’t want you to be upset or offended or anything.” 

She sighs, sinking back down to the bed. “Everyone keeps treating me like I’m delicate and...I mean, I know I’m pregnant, I know I can’t do the same things physically, and I know I’m more emotional, but...I’m still a person. I’m still me.”

“I know you are.” He settles down behind her, spooning her against him. “I’m sorry I reminded you of the way people make you feel. I promise I don’t think you’re less than or unable just because you’re pregnant.”

She makes a small hum of satisfaction. “Okay.”

He nuzzles the back of her neck. “And I can think of a couple things you can still do physically.”

“Pervert,” she says, but she reaches behind her to stroke him anyway. Then he’s holding her leg and slipping inside her and Rey calls him a bunch of other, dirtier things. 

.

Rey leaves on Monday. Ben tells her to sleep in, but she says the idea of staying in his empty apartment is depressing and leaves at the same time as him. 

“Come visit soon,” she begs. “The baby will be here in a month.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I know.”

While he’s at work, he starts sending out his CV to other New York firms. He doesn’t really expect anything to come from it, but the little act of rebellion against Snoke puts his mind at ease. He decides, too, that he’s going to visit Hartford every weekend, no matter what Snoke says.

Sure enough, Snoke calls on Friday and drawls, “I need you to come in tomorrow, Solo.”

“I can’t,” Ben says firmly.

Snoke pauses. “What do you mean, you can’t?”

“I mean, I can’t.” Ben doesn’t elaborate. “I can stay late tonight, but I absolutely cannot come in tomorrow.”

Snoke is quiet for a long moment. “You know, Ben,” he hisses, “I’m beginning to question your dedication to this firm.”

“I assure you, I’m dedicated to this firm,” he says smoothly. “But I’m also dedicated to my family.”

Another pause. “Very well. But I trust this will not happen again.”

Ben doesn’t answer, just hangs up.

When he heads out for the day, he’s met by a frantic Hux. “You told Snoke you won’t come in tomorrow?!”

“Yes,” Ben says calmly.

Hux very nearly tears out his slicked back hair. “You can’t do that!”

“Looks like I just did.”

Hux is still gaping when Ben gets on the elevator. 

The whole drive home, he blasts music. Good music. Happy music. He feels good and happy. He even listens to “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” and smiles when he hears it. 

When he pulls up to the house, Rey and Leia are outside, feet in the pool. He scoops both women up in a hug. 

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Leia says wetly.

“Yeah,” Ben breathes. “Me too.”

.

He comes home every weekend after that. He decides to leave early on Fridays so that Snoke can’t reach him. Hux and Phasma watch him with narrowed eyes, and he’s sure that they’re reporting back to Snoke.

Ben doesn’t really care. Rey is so, so close. She can barely move most of the time, which has, unfortunately, killed her craving for sex. Still, she tries whenever Ben comes home because they both saw that episode of  _ Friends _ and they both know full well that sex makes the baby come faster. It’s awkward and not always comfortable and they’re positive Leia can hear the bed creaking, but Ben is hardly complaining—he latches onto these last, precious moments with Rey. 

It’s beginning to hurt him, how he’ll have to let her go after this. Not fully, of course, because they’ll have the baby, but he won’t get to cuddle with her anymore, won’t get to feel her in his arms and know that she’s happy and content because of him. 

Ben visits the day after Rey’s friends throw her a surprise birthday party/baby shower, and she gives him some good news. 

“Finn and Rose are dating,” she says excitedly. “She’s had a crush on him forever and  _ finally _ kissed him, and now they’re like, absolutely crazy about each other.”

Ben can’t help feeling satisfied. The next time he sees Finn he’s even cordial, offering the other man a beer and inviting him over to swim in the pool. Finn seems taken aback but pleased at the sudden warmth. They make tentative plans to see a Yankees game. When Finn leaves that night, Ben makes love to Rey with an ardor that leaves her breathless and boneless.

_ You’re mine _ , he says in his head.  _ Mine, mine, all mine. _

He wishes he could say it out loud someday.

  
  



	10. I've Been Waiting for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the end!! I want to thank y'all so much for sticking with me and reading this story--your comments have made me so, so happy and give me something to look forward to every week.
> 
> I know some of you are probably wondering: why so much ABBA? The truth is that when I was writing this fic, I was in a really bad place. ABBA was the only thing that made me feel anything. Their music gave me the push to write and to keep going. It was only natural that I weave as much ABBA as possible into this story. So I say...thank you for the music. 
> 
> I also want to again give huge thanks to my beta, Ever-so-Reylo, for taking on this project--thank you, Ali <3
> 
> Finally I want to say that if you enjoyed this fic, do be sure to keep an eye out for my upcoming reverse-Anidala fic, "Across the Stars", to be posted next Sunday. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

_ You thrill me, you delight me  _

_ You please me, you excite me  _

_ You're something I'd been pleading for  _

_ I love you, I adore you  _

_ I lay my life before you  _

_ I'll have you want me more and more  _

_ And finally it seems my lonel _ y days are through 

_ I've been waiting for you _

.

Rey is thirty-eight weeks pregnant and ready to pop when Snoke finally, finally comes into the office.

In fairness, they are having a very, very important meeting with the board, but Snoke comes in early and sends for Ben--something he never does before a board meeting.

As soon as Ben closes the door behind him, Snoke launches right into it.

“Your behavior the last few weeks has been disgraceful,” he says coldly. “You’ve been leaving the office early, ignoring my calls, and neglecting your work. If this appalling behavior continues, I am not only firing you, but I am going to call every firm in this city and see to it that you never work again.” 

Ben’s stomach flips at that. So, he was right. 

“Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal,” Ben says hoarsely.

Snoke nods. “Now, see to it you don’t woefully embarrass yourself at this meeting.”

Ben sulks back to his desk, tail between his legs.

Meetings with the board are always a stressful time in the office. Everyone has to look their best and most professional, everyone is in a bad mood, and one of the interns usually ends up crying.

Ben is on his best behavior as soon as the board members start filing in. He charms them with his smile and asks the receptionist to hold his calls before filing into the big conference room with everyone else.

The meeting itself is a pageant of increasingly older and stuffier-shirted men who are all in Snoke’s pocket. It’s an old and ugly circle-jerk, but one that Ben must endure if he’s to have any kind of future with this or any other law firm. 

They’ve just gotten past the self-congratulatory pats on the back when Ben’s legal assistant, Mitaka, knocks timidly and enters. The room sucks in a collective breath. 

“What on earth is it?” Snoke asks with barely contained rage. No one ever interrupts a board meeting. Ever.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Mitaka says timidly. “It’s only…” He turns to Ben. “Your mother just called...your girlfriend is in labor.”

Ben stands so quickly he sends papers scattering. He’s halfway to the door when Snoke calls after him, “And where do you think you’re going?”

Ben looks back. Everyone is staring at him. He swallows. “My...my girlfriend...she’s in labor.”

“And we are in the middle of a meeting,” Snoke says coldly. 

Ben gapes at him. Surely...surely he can’t be serious?

But Snoke is very serious. “Sit down, Solo, or I’ll make good on our earlier conversation.”

Ben is filled with raw, untamed rage. How  _ dare _ this man try to stop him from meeting his own daughter? Try to stop him from being with Rey? It’s two and a half hours away—she might have given birth by the time he gets there. That thought more than anything spurs him to shake his head. 

“Fine,” he says. “To hell with you.” 

And he walks out of the office. 

He’ll pay for this later, he knows. Even if he wanted to return now, there’s no way Snoke would let him, and he’s sure that as soon as the board meeting is over, Snoke will make good on his threat to make sure Ben never works in this city again.

Or maybe Snoke is full of shit and only has so much pull and Ben really has nothing to worry about.

He doesn’t really care. What he does care about is Rey and their baby and the two and a half hours of labor they’ll go through without him. 

He calls his mother as soon as he hits the road, and he’s relieved to hear Rey’s contractions are still far enough apart that the baby won’t come for at least another hour or so. 

“I’m on the way,” he promises. “Just tell her to hold out for a little longer.”

“I will,” he hears Rey’s voice in the background. “Tell him I will.”

Ben hangs up and presses down on the accelerator.

He gets to the hospital just over two hours after setting out. Rey is still in the triage room, walking up and down and breathing hard. 

Ben breaks into a huge grin when he sees her. She’s sweating and red-faced and wearing one of those ridiculous hospital gowns, she’s scowling and breathing ridiculously and she looks as if she could cheerfully wring the neck of whoever disturbs her, and he thinks he really does love this woman. 

“Hi,” he says softly.

“Fuck you,” Rey snarls. 

Ben blinks.

“She’s having a hard time,” Leia mutters, hugging him. “She’s going to say a lot of awful things and we just have to smile and nod, okay? She won’t remember any of it after the labor.”

Ben blows out a breath. He knows the cliche, everyone does, but it’s quite something to realize you’re in love with a woman and have her say “fuck you” in the next breath.

Dr. Kanata comes in at that moment, casting him an unimpressed look. “Look who decided to show up.”

“I was at work—“ he starts to defend, but Dr. Kanata has zeroed in on Rey.

“How far apart are the contractions?” she asks, urging Rey to lie back on the bed, where she measures between her legs. Ben looks on in shock at the size of Rey’s dilated center. He knew she would have to get bigger to deliver, of course, but seeing it is surreal. He decides that maybe he won’t watch the baby come out.

“You’re about ready,” Dr. Kanata declares. “Nurse! Bring a wheelchair for Miss Johnson.” She turns to Ben and Leia. “You’ll need to put on scrubs.”

Ben exchanges his suit jacket and tie for scrubs that have probably been worn by hundreds of other people, but he’s not about to complain—he’d do anything to be here. 

He offers Rey words of encouragement the whole walk to the delivery room. She’s shouting and swearing, but right before they go in, she turns to him with a suddenly fearful look on her face. 

“I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can,” he says without breaking stride. “You’ve been ready for this for months. You’re finally about to meet her.”

“I’m scared,” she says, tears falling down her cheeks. 

“I know.” He strokes her hair. “And that’s normal. But you have Dr. Kanata, and my mom, and me, and we won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

She takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay. Just. Don’t leave me.”

“Never,” he promises. 

.

It’s a grueling labor. Rey pushes and pants and screams and threatens Ben with a colorful assortment of words. Ben holds her hand and tells her she’s doing amazing.

It’s been three hours and Rey is flagging when Ben has an idea. He pulls out his phone and attaches it to the speaker the nurses told him he could use if he has a playlist or soothing sounds. He hadn’t had anything until this moment. 

Suddenly, the sounds of “Dancing Queen” fill the room. Leia looks at him, askance.

“Really? ‘Dancing Queen’?”

But Rey is smiling at him through her tears. “You hate ABBA.”

“But I love you.” He kisses her forehead, hot and sweaty as it is. “Find your happy place, Rey.”

“S.O.S.” is blaring when Rey finally starts to crown; by the time they reach “Thank You for the Music”, the baby’s screams are filling the air. The nurse turns down the music while they weigh and measure the baby and Rey delivers the afterbirth. 

When they finally put the baby in Rey’s arms, Ben crowded onto the bed with her, both of them are crying messes.

“She’s perfect,” Rey sniffs. “The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Ben kisses her forehead again. “You both are.”

.

It’s later, after Rey and the baby have been moved to a newer, quieter room, when Leia asks, “So, have you finally decided on a name?”

Ben and Rey glance at each other.

“Not really,” Ben admits.

“That’s okay,” Leia says. “I didn’t know what I was going to name you until you were here.”

“How did you decide?” Rey asks. 

Leia’s voice becomes distant, lost in memories. “There was a man--he was a friend of my father’s. He’s the reason I met Han, and he helped me in my most desperate hour. His name was Ben. After the labor, I decided I didn’t want to go through it again--this baby would be my last, so I had to make this one count. It felt right, to my name my only son after my only hope.”

Ben and Rey look at each other and smile.

“Hope,” Rey murmurs.

“Hope,” Ben agrees. 

.

Even later, after Finn and Rose have visited, after Luke has called, after Leia goes home for the night, Ben gets up and peers into the plexiglass crib. Hope is stirring, making the sweetest little noises, and Ben lifts her into his arms. She’s so  _ small _ , and he’s filled with the overwhelming desire to protect her. How could he have thought to stay in New York when this little one is in his life? 

“Is she awake?” Rey asks from the bed. She’s been drifting in and out of sleep, her hatred of hospitals warring with her deep exhaustion. She reaches for the baby now, and Ben reluctantly surrenders her. Still, he can’t help admiring the image of Rey and their baby. She looks like she’s just given birth, and Ben thinks it’s beautiful.

“Ben?” she asks softly, peering up at him. “Did you mean what you said in the delivery room? Or did I imagine it?”

“What did I say?” He’d said a lot of things.

“That you loved me.”

Ben flushes. He’d forgotten after everything, but he remembers now. “Yes. I know you don’t--”

“I love you too.” Rey is red-faced but determined. “I didn’t think you did, but…”

“I do.” He sits on the bed beside her, heart pounding. “I have for a while.”

Rey bites her lip. “You asked me a long time ago why I let you have sex with me at your dad’s funeral. The truth is…” She looks down at the baby, stroking Hope’s tiny fingers. “The truth is I fell in love with you before I really knew you. Your dad loved you so much, and hearing him talk about you...I don’t know. I had this ridiculous crush on someone I barely knew. And at the funeral, I think I...I wanted you to notice me. And you did. And then I got pregnant and it felt...right.” She looks back up at him. “I was afraid to tell you how I felt because I thought I was just...an accident to you--”

Ben leans forward, kissing her. “You are the farthest thing from an accident,” he says fiercely. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Hope stirs again and they quiet, Rey rocking her in her arms until she stills.

“I quit my job today,” Ben whispers. “My boss wouldn’t let me come to you. So I quit.”

Rey beams. “I’m so proud of you, Ben.” Her smile fades. “But I’m sorry you lost your job.”

“Who cares?” he huffs. “I can practice law somewhere else.”

“Maybe in Connecticut,” she suggests hopefully.

“Maybe,” he agrees. “Maybe even in Hartford.”

Hope stirs again, whining a little. 

“Can you pull up ‘I’ve Been Waiting for You’?” Rey asks. “I wanted to sing it to her, but I don’t think I can sing right now.”

Ben kisses her forehead. He’s becoming fond of the gesture. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

As Rey settles Hope against her, Ben pulls up the song and wraps his arms around his girls.

He has never been happier.

_ I, I've been in love before  _

_ I thought I would no more  _

_ Manage to hit the ceiling  _

_ Still, strange as it seems to me  _

_ You brought it back to me  _

_ That old feeling  _

_ I, I don't know what you do  _

_ You make me think that you  _

_ Possibly could release me  _

_ I think you'll be able to  _

_ Make all my dreams come true  _

_ And you ease me  _

_ You thrill me, you delight me  _

_ You please me, you excite me  _

_ You're something I'd been pleading for  _

_ I love you, I adore you  _

_ I lay my life before you  _

_ I'll have you want me more and more  _

_ And finally it seems my lonely days are through  _

_ I've been waiting for you  _

_ I, I'm gonna make you mine  _

_ You're gonna feel so fine  _

_ You'll never want to leave me  _

_ I feel you belong to me  _

_ Someday you will agree  _

_ Please, believe me  _

  
  



End file.
